May Days

I am having diapers made, 25 to be exact. Too bad it is a month away from Kaine's 2nd birthday. Potty training is right around the corner. I wonder how he will do? I hope well. Hopefully soon I will have a few pictures of some cute diapers/training pants. I had the material, so I decided to go ahead with the project. I just outsourced most of it this time, so it would actually get done!

On another note, we are having a construction site birthday party in my backyard! I am really looking forward to it. Three legged races, digging in dirt, playing in water, throwing water balloons, eating cake and smashing a pinata! Sounds like a ton of fun doesn't it?

Oh yeah, we are also going to be paying our first school fee on the first! How exciting is that? It will be a good day.Go here to see the school he will be in.

Laundry Baskets are Dangerous

The funniest thing just happened! Kaine was in my room watching Cars, when I heard from the living room, "Oh! Aaagghhh!" Which I ran to! What happened?  I walk into my room. Kaine is in the dirty clothes basket flailing around like a turtle that is on its back and can't get up (which is what he was!). It was honestly hilarious! The poor boy couldn't get on the bed (is what I am thinking) so thought, "Oh here is a comfy basket full of blankets and clothes, I will sit here". Well, the basket looked fuller than in was and the poor dear fell right in as he backed up to sit in it! Now I wish I had my camera but it would not have been a good time to take a picture anyway, poor thing was slightly traumatized! But, oh, how funny it was!!!

Stuff that has been on my mind, while I have been away.

Kaine weighs 36 lbs. He will be two in May. I think this is amazing information. It just seems so weird to me to have a child some days. I think, "Is he really mine or is this some sort of dream? Will I wake up and find that I have been asleep this whole time?" If so, unplug the machine. I don't want to wake up!
He is such an incredible joy to have around. I can't even describe it. I love being a mom more than I love being anything else. I know what true love is, I am able to see how Jesus loves us through this relationship. Isn't that just the biggest, eye opening experience. When your child brings you to Jesus' love?

I don't have any pictures to post. I think I am going to leave that for FaceBook. I just want to write my thoughts here, even if I am the only one reading it. It helps, just to get it out into a neutral territory. Plus, I think that one day it will be something Kaine may want to read. The true thoughts that run into my head. No matter if they are ugly, pretty, or otherwise.

I am moving forward with midwifery school. UNF is annoying me. But I knew that getting involved with them would. They always have annoyed me on some level. I really do hope that something happens soon on the financial front. I am not sure how I am going to be able to pay for school if my loan doesn't come through. I realize why it has to be this way. My past coming back to haunt me. I wish they knew how much I have changed. It will work out, somehow. Even if I have to put it off for another year. I hope not, I am not good at waiting. Maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Either way, I am going ahead with the Childbirth Education course, Breastfeeding class and the Doula training. So, if school doesn't happen hopefully I will have something to fall back on. I think I may even look into becoming a Bradley Method instructor. I don't know though, I think you have to have a Bradley birth in order to become an instructor. We shall see.

Growing Children

Kaine seriously eats like a teenager! I am scared! The child just ate 3/4 of a giant apple, one gogurt, a cup of milk and half of my pesto, kalamata olive, ham and turkey wrap. Not to mention all of the gold fish he down an hour ago! He will take a nap and want a snack half an hour after he gets up.

He has also been getting up in the middle of the night wanting milk cups. The night before last he woke up 3 times. Last night I think he only got up once. I am not sure about this because I was so exhausted that I remember saying, "Matt!" and Matt getting up and getting him something. I seriously could not have moved at this point! I have not been sleeping well and last night was the first time I slept without my brain keeping me up! So, hopefully the poor child was not neglected after that!

Growth spurts are not fun around here. Lots of sleep loss for everyone. Food flying out of the cupboards and fridge. More diapers to change. More naps needed for Kaine and Mommy! Nothing getting done. Also, I hate when growth spurts fall on the week that I am PMSing. I already need more sleep and special self care. So, no fun!

Hopefully, this growth spurt will not last long. PS. Add another glass of milk to that previous list. He wanted more!

Balancing Life

I am having a hard time getting into my husbands head lately. It seems like there is something between us. I think I know what it is: We both have different worries that we think the other one doesn't understand about. His are his financial responsibilities to this family, as sole bread-winner. Mine are all about Kaine and, sometimes, about the condition of the house (I really hate cleaning! HaHa!). But we seem to just not be connected like we used to be. To me, it is more from the phrase, "Baby will change your life forever" category. Maybe it is the same for him. I just feel it is my duty to focus on Kaine and make sure he is brought up knowing he is loved, cared for, provided for, learning and growing.
I know that I spend too much (is there really such a thing?) energy on Kaine. I know he feels that my focus is in overdrive. But, who else is there to do it? He is my life and I am his. I have told Matt, many times, that I cannot turn off my "Mommy-drive". I know there is no way for him to know what I am talking about, it is that physical, animalistic, innate drive to protect and secure your young. I mean, I can't just turn it off! I just wish he would understand where I am coming from more.  I know he is probably thinking the same thing.
We are still in good standing with each other. I do feel as if I can do more and plan on it. I have to find my grove for this mother / wife thing. "Nothing worth doing is easy". (That's my pep talk). Hopefully we will find the balance soon and we will each learn to give (or take) a little more to (or for) the other.

Getting Ready for Pregnancy

I have been looking into how to get healthy before getting pregnant. I think the end result, C-section, of the last pregnancy had something to do with the fact that I was overweight. Turns out, it is a big factor. I am currently working on controlling (lowering) my weight. Here is the update on that: I have lost inches (inches!) from my bust (or just below, I don't want to know how much boob-age I am losing! haha!), waist and hips. My hips have shown the most improvement and there is a marked improvement in my slackened-10-lb-baby-stomach. I was convinced that the stretch marks were going to prevent me from tightening up that area and trust me, I have a ton! In Matt's words, "You should have listened to me!" I think I now understand why people in the Priesthood always say it is the hardest to go home to preach. Let me explain, I knew him before he was anything, therefore, it is hard for me to see that he is a professional (and a good one!) in his field! Therefore, he talks, I hear him (notice I said hear, not listen) and then I quickly throw in my rebuttal! I am here to tell the world that I was wrong and I am going to try to listen from now on!

Okay, now that that is out-of-the-way! I have found a lot of really good advice and possible support through a friend of The Birth Center of Gainesville. Loving Arms Birthing Services, Here is the website. They are new and they are just starting up their website. I am really excited to see what they are going to come up with! I have always thought that Gainesville needs more people who are interested in this field. They are also creating a sort of half-way house and safe haven for teenage mothers called Toni's Place. Go to their website and check it out! They have a bright future ahead of them.

That was a little off subject but an important detour. Their website is what sold me on the fact that I may have a future in birth after all. I am SO against having another C-section and I would like to make this birth a more family oriented scene. Meaning, Matt, me and our midwife. I want to try a home birth this next time (I know, I don't want to hear it!). This is our decision and this is where we want to go. They have made me hope that this may be possible, after all! I have emailed Karin and Zoe and am hoping they will accept me with open arms!

The most encouraging thing that I found on their website was the ICAN link. ICAN = International Cesarean Awareness Network. I had never heard of this organization and stayed up an extra hour last night because I was so engrossed in all of the articles on their website. Go here to see what I mean. I have already contacted someone to get more information and hopefully find a local support group!

So, that is what is happening in my neck of the woods. Ooo, I like this saying! I live in the woods! This may be my new sign-off! (Yes, now I am like an anchorwoman on the news. Works though, it is news about what is going on in my life!)

Things to come

Kaine has been trying to eat me out of house and home today. Seriously! He will get down from his chair and not even 30 minutes (if I am lucky!) will go by until he is coming up to me and saying, "Eat! Eat! Eat!" Occasionally, he throws in a cup or pop (sucker) request. Even now, as I write this he has approached me wanting to eat! But, it is in the oven and he must wait, no matter how many fits he decides to throw from here until dinner. Oh, well....

The store has only gotten a few nods of approval. I am not sure people have even read the note I sent about input. Hopefully, I will hear something from someone soon. I did get some really good approval and input from Mrs. P. She raised three boys, so at least I got that! Who better to know than a woman with years (her boys are in high school, I used to babysit them) of experience?

I have been trying to figure out what to do and how to make it work. I know that once things come together it should go more smoothly. The beginning of everything is always the hardest, right? I am unbelievably in love with the fabric that I have though!