I'm overly comfortable with you

I feel like people don't understand me. I think I have figured out why. People are so used to being so shut up inside themselves. Maybe I confuse people by being so "out there". In my defense, I don't feel like I am totally "out there". Out of all of the stuff I do say (which is usually blunt and to the point) imagine what I don't say. I do have a filter, some of the time. I am trying to develop this feature of my personality even more.

I don't know. I guess in my book, you should feel good that I tell you things. It means I trust you. I value your friendship. Honesty is the best policy, after all. I don't feel like I should have to change myself in order to be "likable". Which, I have been told that I am (specifically because I say what I want and don't seem to have filters). I guess the other good "working" filter I do have is the tendency to be nice and kind to others. I am a very considerate person. I don't mean to hurt peoples feelings when I do. Which sometimes happens (I tend to be overly comfortable with people who have won my trust. Most people can't handle this aspect of my personality). <--- I guess that is really the truest point of this post. I scare people off. They don't know how to handle my intensity. However, if you are able to stick around, you won't find a truer friend. (Although, I do require some of the same reciprocation). Fair warning.

Educate your children, Please!

I am surprised at how much we are not taught, as girls, about our own bodies. We are told to abstain and that we are gross or sinners if we even think about it. Let's not even mention how uncomfortable we are made to feel when we do ask questions about it. How dumb is that!?

Why don't we educate our children on these topics? Do you not think it would be better to let our girls (and boys, for that matter) know how their bodies function? Don't you think it would be safer (to prevent pregnancy) if our girls knew how to check their basal body temperatures and check (or even know about) how their cervix's change during their cycles?

Why am I talking about this? Mostly because I feel like a big dumb butt for freaking out about possibly having a prolapsed uterus the other night! I was curious to know what was going on inside myself. So, I did some exploring (non-sexual, I assure you. It was strictly scientific!). I found my cervix almost completely near my vaginal opening. So, of course, or should I say especially since all this weirdness has been going on, my mind went straight to the worst possible place- prolapse. Did I miss the section in health class about this? Are we not teaching our children about this because it makes us uncomfortable? (Don't even get me started on how dumb and selfish I think that is!) I mean, really, come on! I know I was not taught anything but, this should be a no brain-er for those of us who do know. 

Updates and Orlando

I have been blood free for an entire week now. I can hardly believe it myself. I am hoping that it stays this way. I am leaning more to the side of a hormonal imbalance than anything else. I don't feel as crazy as I have been feeling over the last few months. I truly did feel pregnant when it was going on. Crying at everything, irritable, unable to sleep or get comfortable. It was quite horrible. I am going to wait and see what happens. I am quite terrified of the next bleeding that comes on. I hope I don't freak out. Hopefully, it will feel more like a normal period at the onset and nothing more. Maybe that will save me from freaking out and worrying if it is ever going to end.

We spent the weekend in Orlando with Patty and Douglas. Matt had a conference. It was really nice. We went to the Sanford zoo and had a really good time. It was small but they had a lot of nice animals and a splash water park type thing for Kaine. He had fun. The only bad thing was that it was really hot! Other than that, we spent a good bit of time talking and getting to know one another better. Which, in my opinion, is always nice. I do so miss having Patty around. She was such a big part of our lives when we were growing up. We are going to have to make it more of a priority to get together and have more conversations. All in all, it was a nice trip. Filled with lots of fun times. It seemed like it was much longer than a small weekend (which is how you know fun was happening!).

What I am reading: The Help, The Girl Who Chased the Moon, The Other Boleyn Girl (on CD)

Life in the making

Did I mention we finally got insurance? We are all covered and it is right at $200 a month. Shocker there. But, it is done and I no longer have to worry about "what I am going to do".

Anyway, I am sure you guys are tired of hearing about this, but here is some more information about what is going on with me. I am crying at every little thing these days. I feel like I am pregnant. My hormones are all crazy and weird. I know I am not, thanks to the blood test. I just know my hormones are nuts. I am considering going back and seeing what type of blood test I can get to test my hormones. But I don't think it is just one test, I think I have to have a few different panels done. I am not sure, of course. I am going to call Maryanne and update her on the whole thing and see what she says. More to come, soon enough.

Kaine is doing well. He seems to be getting bitten by a ton of bugs lately though. They love him. Poor guy has about 10 bites that he keeps messing with (his legs look beautiful!). I thought they would be gone by now but, he keeps opening them up. He looks like an orphan! Anyway, he is doing well and finally sleeping more predictably. He rarely gets up at night now. When he does he only wants to make sure we are there and a few sips of milk. I am truly happy about this. I have noticed, since we were at Grandma's this weekend that he does much better on a bed in the same room. He stirred at one point in the night and all I did was put my hand on him and he literally FELL back to sleep. It was amazing! However, I did go to lay down with him the other day and he said, "No, don't lay". So, I feel confident that he does not feel abandoned in his room and is ready to be there now. He said, "Night, love you" and I walked out. He did the same to Matt a few days before. It was great progress.  I am thrilled to be posting this. I hope he will stay this way and the next one will be an even better baby. (On this note, I now see where we went wrong with Kaine and I do not plan to go the same route with the next ones - If God sees fit to grant us more children. Boy, do we hope He does!)

We met with the lender today also. After I was 30 minutes late because I couldn't find the place! I do so hate to be late! They took all of Matt's information and the ball is now rolling. We shall know something soon. I hope it is good news and we are able to find a good place that has all we want and desire! Send up some good thoughts for us!

That's all for now...

Test Results-Vacationing

So, one good thing about the blood test was that it was negative. Matt was disappointed, I was relieved. I asked Matt why he was disappointed (because I said it would be bad news to be bleeding so bad AND be pregnant). He said he wants us to be pregnant. Good news, on that aspect. So, the adventure continues. More updates will be coming soon when I get all the other stuff done!

We got insurance, for all of us. It started Saturday. I just have to wait for the cards to come in and we will be all set. Hopefully there is not a huge waiting period for me to use gyno services. We shall see.

We went to my grandma's house this weekend. It was lovely. We went to the beach, swam in her pool, ate some hearty meals, went to the farmer's market, playground, walked at the shops downtown and went to church with her on Sunday. I even got a dresser from her. Matt and Neil loaded into the back of the Jeep. Matt and Neil caught mud crabs for fishing. It was a lot of fun. We will be doing that again and, hopefully, soon. Next weekend we are off to Orlando. Matt to a conference and Kaine and I are going to hang out with Patty and Douglas! It should be a ton of fun!!

Blood Test

Went and got my blood test done today. Without insurance, the cost was $15! I could hardly believe it. Best of all, results will be available for pick-up tomorrow. How is that for efficiency? Plus, I waited I think a total of 1 minute in the empty waiting room (and it was 11 am!). I could hardly believe my luck! I was even entertained by a delightful phelebotomist while she took my sample. All-in-all, it was not the dreaded experience I was anticipating and putting off. I was so please I started to peruse their other services, trying to see what else I could get away with!

Over the weekend, pending a negative prego test, I will start taking 200mg of Ibuprofen. (Possibly start using the tincture that has been curing on my kitchen window sill made of Shepard's Purse?) This was recommended to me by Maryanne and something I had read to help slow down the bleeding. I will also start the search for an affordable ultrasound to check my innards. Hopefully, the diagnosis will not be grim.

Oh, I would also like to note that I had Matt palpate my uterus (or just below my belly button-to which I feel a bulge and uncomfortable fullness). As he laid his hands upon my belly I was taken aback. There is such a weird sensation of, as I described to him, "raw, tender meat being mushed together" (with all the sensation of an open and gaping wound). I have no idea what that could mean. I just know it doesn't sound very good, at all!

Results tomorrow...

Binky and Potty

We are having binky problems around here. We only have two left (which is good). I seemed to have managed to get it away from him during the day, at one point. Now, it is back. He has it now, in fact. He had it in the car on the way to the library today. How have I made that thing lapse back into this behavior? I don't think I have been paying much attention to it lately.

I think this is what happened: I tried to take it away at night. Big mistake! Now he has clung to it. Anyway, what brought this up? I found a book to read to him about getting rid of pacifiers at the library today. I am hoping it is going to help. However, the first time I read it he went looking around for his binky. Oh boy, this is going to be a long and drawn out process. Oh well, I am getting that binky and it is going to be in the trash and gone away!!

By the way, the potty thing is just not working out. He does NOT get it! I have been reading up on it and it has stated that most babies are not ready until two and a half or even three (Please, God, don't let that be so!). So, I think around Christmas or something (probably a little later), we shall start again.