Reasons for writting

     I have been thinking that this blog is getting away from me and the original purpose of it starting. For crying out loud it is called "Raising Kaine"! Maybe I should stick to this theme? Although, our lives are so intertwined it is hard to separate out the different experiences. Plus, I pretty much use this as a public diary. I just want him to know what it going on in my mind as he is growing up. So, maybe there really isn't any problem after all. But I will try to stick to more "Kaine" like posts. (I'm tired of focusing on my health issues anyway.)
     Well, what is new? Christmas was good. Kaine wanted a puppy and we discussed it and got one for him. I mean, Santa got one for him :). Also, Santa showed up on Christmas Eve and walked the roof. It was so magical. I have the best picture of Kaine and his Poppa grinning like mad! It is so precious! These years are truly the best. Yesterday, in fact, Kaine was in the car with my Mom and the cousins and they were talking about Santa being real or not (Jordan, being 10, doesn't believe, of course. Grace, being 7, is still a believer.). Kaine said "Santa is real. I saw him last Christmas at the lake!" It was a big hit! :) I have to say that this Christmas was the one I have been waiting for since Kaine was born. I always think "this is the year!" and then get slightly disappointed because Kaine doesn't quite get it. But this year WAS our year! The magic was in the air. The anticipation was unbearable. Activities were wonderfully Christmas-y. Santa was the man! Christmas stories, movies and plays were seen, talked about, read and enjoyed daily. It was glorious! I know it will just get better too. AND one of the best things is, Kaine really knows the reason for the season too. Jesus was talked about all the time, especially when Kaine asked, "Why do we have Christmas, Mama?". Of course, my heart was filled with joy and we talked all about "Jesus' birthday". I said, "Would you like to make a birthday cake?" Kaine: "How will we get it to Jesus? Throw it up into the sky?" Ha ha, kids are so funny and literal. I love it! I think Christmas is quickly becoming my favorite holiday.
     Back to the puppy. We got an eight week old dachshund  He is all brown, except his chest and one of his toes on his back, left foot, they are white (even the nail, it is really cute). We started to call him Jake. Then the boys wanted to call him Gunther. But we finally settled on Jake. Which is great, because I really didn't like the name Gunther. (The boys wanted to give him a German name because he is a German dog.) He is really good. We were having some issues in the beginning with potty training. He seemed to not care that he was in his own filth (disgusting!). But, he is getting better and now only occasionally has a pee accident in his crate. Kaine has taken to him wonderfully too. I think he would have been happy about the cat, but the cat isn't all that friendly with him, so the puppy is a wonderful addition to our family. (Even though I wasn't so sure about his messy, smelly new friend. He is growing on me.) 

Kaine's Homeschool

     Today has been a real eye-opener. Since school started in September, I have been constantly worried that I am making the right decisions. I have been worried that I don't know what I am doing, that Kaine isn't getting everything he needs for his education and that I may scar him for life! Today was the first day that I have been able to look back and see all of the progress we have actually made. It has made me feel great!
     It was very hard to figure out both of our needs. He wanted to have more to do. I wanted to know how to teach it. After a few weeks of struggle (on both of our parts) we have figured out a rhythm. Learning still doesn't come easy in some subjects but, I have learned to back-off, take a breath, and reassess the situation to make it more "Kaine friendly". We are now learning at his pace, not the books pace. (I thought I had to follow the written plan TO THE "T" and not deviate. I have lightened up and now we are doing things that aren't as frustrating.)
     Handwriting is still a struggle. The curriculum calls for him to be able to form all letters (Aa-Zz) and numbers up to 10 by now. This is a good idea if, for instance, he had been exposed to any form of writing before he started this structured school program. However, that is not the case. He was the type of kid that wouldn't even color ("I don't like to color."). As far as I could tell the only thing he really liked to do are "dot-to-dot" pages. So, the written word was not something he had done before. The book progresses really fast as well. (As if they assumed the child was already familiar with this type of work.) At first, we were just mustering through it (anger, tears and all). Then, I decided to call a quits to the whole thing! (I contacted the school to let them know.) Now we are just doing supplemental (dot-to-dot) worksheets that help him see how to form the letters the right way. If a worksheet has some letter formation I will take a red color pencil and make dots for him to follow. If the page is a writing page, we just skip it (hopefully to come back to it at a later date). Anyway, I have given him a break.
     Reading is a little bit slower than I initially thought it would be also. Mostly, because we stopped for a time to focus on writing. Now we are getting back into the swing of things. Kaine has learned all of his letters and the sounds. We are rapidly moving onto consonant and vowel sounds. In other words, he knows what a consonant is and what a vowel is and how to recognize them. Tomorrow we will start blending sounds to form words. Next, reading simple sentences!
     Math seems to be a subject Kaine just "gets". He, so far, picks things up really easily. The concepts almost seem too simple. However, I know what is coming so I am not pushing him to do more than I feel is necessary. So far we have worked on position words (up,down, left, right, on top of, bottom, below, above, etc.), shapes, colors, coloring in the lines, cutting, patterns, measuring, sequencing, counting and number recognition (I am sure there are more that is just off the top of my head). I have tried to keep pace with the book, just so we don't get so far ahead. I am sure he is ready for more (it takes him only 1-2 minutes to do a two sided worksheet). But, like I said, I don't want to do too much too soon.
     Science is another subject that Kaine just "gets". I figured he would enjoy a more "hands-on" approach, so I chose to do experiments. We talk about how God made everything. How everything has a purpose. How things relate to each other. We do experiments on plants, make bird feeders, make rock candy, do soil, body and light experiments. I try to tie it to the religion lesson if I can (creation, light and darkness, etc.). I think it is a lot of fun for all of us (Matt likes to help with this part of the learning).
     Art and music are the other things that Kaine does. I have to admit, I haven't really done all that much with the music curriculum. He does take a class at O2B Kids that is structured like the music classes that I used to attend when I was in Elementary school. I feel like this is enough for right now. Art (he also has an art class once a week at O2B Kids) follows our Religion lessons mostly but it is also done in math and seasonal art (Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc.). I think he gets a lot of exposure in these areas (especially for someone who isn't really all that naturally creative. Sorry Kaine.).
    Books are a big part of what we do. We read, read and read some more. Books, in my opinion, are a fabulous way to introduce new topics. I have been using this resource since Kaine was a baby. If he wanted to learn about new things (or I wanted him to learn them) I would pick up some books on that particular subject and we would explore the topic. We read about everything. I also try to get as close to the real story (originals such as Hans Christian Anderson's fairy tales) as possible (I don't really approve of the dumbing down of books for little kids). When Kaine goes to bed he listens to books on CD (unabridged and original titles, as much as possible-examples: "Peter Pan", "Peter Rabbit"). Books will always be our go-to source for knowledge.
     I have been able to see so much in the last 12 weeks that I am slowly beginning to love homeschooling, not fear it. Kaine responds well ("Can we do school now?") and I am learning that being such a perfectionist ins't good for anyone. I am also learning that being forced to do something isn't the way anyone learns, you have to want to do it. The biggest thing I have learned is to not fear slowing down and taking things as they come. There is still time, things will get done, learning is happening. 

Kaine November 2012

Kaine is really growing. As of May 2012 he has grown a whopping inch and a half! That is the difference between being a 5t and a 5/6 in pants size. Pretty significant, if you ask me. My baby is no longer in "toddler" clothes! (I happen to be quite proud of this fact, especially since I haven't considered him a toddler for at least 2 years.) He is wearing "big boy" shirts and underwear too (boys sizes). His shoe size is also rapidly progressing too! He is already at a size 13, I think the next size up is a boy's 1. He really is no longer a baby but a bonafide boy!
Homeschool is also going well. He is still having some trouble with handwriting but, we are taking a break from that right now and reassessing where to go from here. (I think we might have to go back a few steps and start again.) It is nice to get to see him learning instead of just learning about what he has done. I feel like I would miss so much if he was gone for most of the day. I think we really both enjoy being able to learn and grow together. All of his other subjects are going well. He is really good at math and science. Science, mostly because we like to do experiments and he likes to do the dirty stuff! Messy is always better around here!
I have to say it is a lot of work to be so responsible for so many things in this little man's life, but I really do love it. Nothing worth it is ever easy. I am glad that I wasn't given an easy route to walk down. I feel very appreciative of all of the things God has shown me through trial and suffering and growing and learning. I hope I can be God's example to this little man who will one day have to answer God's call and lead other people (even if it is just his little household!). May God always walk with us and show us where we are to go!
I am Thankful for being able to be a mother!

Another Health Update

I have good news. It certainly has been a long time coming too! Ever since I started taking the Vitamin D (and other things, but mostly D) my bleeding has stopped. Yes, stopped! Glory be!! It has been exactly 3 weeks since my last spell and I feel great. I do, however, feel like I may be on the verge of a period, which always freaks me out because I never know when it will end. I have to say that I feel awesome about not bleeding, spotting or ANYTHING for three whole weeks! This is a grand improvement and I hope that if/when my period comes again it will not outlast it's welcome. It would be wonderful to experience a "normal" cycle for the first time in two years.
If I do have a normal cycle this time around, that means that things are REALLY looking up. (I hope anyway!) Of course, I would have to wait it out for a few months and see if my cycle really is "normal". So, so far-so good. And I hope it lasts. Time will only tell. 

To My Health - PCOS

     If you have been following,  you will know that my health is seriously unpredictable. I have difficult issues with my menstrual cycles. I would like to report that things are all resolved and I am on the track to a full recovery. However, that is just not true. Things have gotten better. There is no full recovery for what I have, there is just management (for the rest of my life).
     Here is a recap of what is going on now. I have PCOS, very low progesterone, and a really hard time absorbing the vitamins I need to function (vitamin D, B-12 and I suspect Magnesium). In other words, my body is fighting against my will to live. The organs in my body are under stress and fighting to function. My liver is having a hard time keeping up with the toxic load my body carries (your liver processes everything your body carries, eats, drinks, etc.).
     Since I have PCOS, this means that I have excess estrogen running rampant in my body. My poor liver doesn't know what to do with it. Therefore, it has free reign. However, that is not the only problem. Because I have PCOS this also means that I have low progesterone (tests have confirmed this). Progesterone is the hormone in your body that is responsible for maintenance of the uterine lining before, during and after pregnancy. Because I have practically no progesterone the estrogen in my body is unchecked. Progesterone and estrogen are not produced at the same time. Think of it more as a competition, if one is active the other is waiting it's turn to run a-muck. However, instead of having estrogen do it's job in the first half of my cycle, it is present the whole time. It just keeps producing. Usually, progesterone would take over half way and help with ovulation (the release of an egg). Progesterone would stick around to see if ovulation results in pregnancy. If a pregnancy occurs progesterone then gets super produced (this is what maintains a pregnancy to the end, by maintaining the uterine lining and causes morning sickness). Without progesterone, there are no babies. If pregnancy does not occur, progesterone production ceases and this drop produces a period. Estrogen takes over for the building-up of the uterine lining, to help with egg attachment when ovulation and pregnancy occur.
     What does this mean for me? Because I have estrogen production down to a science, my body builds up my uterine lining with no problem. However, I have no opposing progesterone. Therefore, I am not ovulating (no egg production), which means progesterone isn't being produced at all. Estrogen just keeps going, building and building (doing it's job). Because progesterone isn't being produced (or at a very insignificant rate) my lining becomes thick. I then have a period. However, it is not normal. It causes sever bleeding and clots. Progesterone isn't being produced to stop this from happening. Excess estrogen tells your body to build, causing an unopposed period. This is why I have long cycles. The absence of progesterone to maintain a normal building/shedding cycle with ovulation in the middle.
     What am I doing about it? What we know is that I have a cycle that does not work. It is broken and needs to be fixed. Unfortunately, fixing it isn't as easy as taking progesterone when my body needs it. PCOS is a complicated disease. The optimal thing to do is to achieve hormonal balance and get your body to recognize what this is and start doing it on it's own. However, this rarely happens without some sort of medicinal support throughout your life. The real issue is trying to find what exactly works for you. This disease is very individual. What works for one person could be too much for the next or not enough. It is a disease that many women suffer through. So, there are therapies out there. But getting the right dose and cocktail of drugs (herbs or pharmaceuticals) is complicated, very trial and error.
     What am I trying? As I am sure you know, I have tried many things already. Vitex is my latest herb. It seems to have improved my life drastically. It has cut down on my flooding issues and even managed to make my periods only 2-3 weeks long, for a time (I am currently up-ing my dose to continue this effectiveness). I have also discovered that taking Vitamin D (for me 5000 i/u daily) has completely stopped my bleeding (this past cycle was 65 days). It is very surprising and I don't understand why Vitamin D would have this type of affect. But, I am going to continue to take it. I have also paid for an herbal consultation to help figure out what I should be doing/taking to control this disease. It has opened my eyes to really get serious about losing weight, watching what I eat (there are some foods that exacerbate my condition), and taking my supplements regularly (instead of when I feel like I need them).
Here is the current list of supplements that have been suggested for me to take:
 Eat a PCOS Fertility Diet
Multivitamin or prenatal vitamin (daily)
Omegas (daily)
Vitamin D (daily)
Blood Builder (daily)- iron
Fertility Smoothie (daily):
-Maca
-Alive Bee Power Royal Jelly-overall reproductive health/endocrine health
-Whey Protein
-UltraGreens
Slow Flow (during bleeding times)-mixture of herbs to help stop heavy bleeding
Saw Palmetto (daily) - helps fight male hormones
Cinnamon (daily)-for heavy bleeding and reduce insulin resistance
Milk Thistle Extract (daily) -for liver detox and renewal
Vitex (daily)-hormone regulation
Tribulus (daily)-normalize ovulation
DIM (daily)-combating estrogen
Exercise/Walk
Chart your cycle
Make an appointment with ND for progesterone testing-to make sure I am taking the dose I need. 

Homeschool Portfolio Fixes

     I have been working on our homeschool portfolio this week. I knew we were supposed to keep one and I have been, I just found out I was doing it wrong. I was putting all of Kaine's school work (art, projects, handwriting, worksheets for math, science and phonics) into the 3 ring binder with a sheet of notebook paper that was logging his day/week. So, it looked like this:

1. Sheet of notebook paper with written schedule of what we did that day/week:
1. Prayer, Pledge, Weather, Calendar activities
2. Math -Whatever workbook pages he did, if we did an activity (such as matching objects, building patterns with Lego blocks, sorting, etc.)
3. Phonics- Our ABC book (pasting, cutting, finding pictures), Reviewing/Learning sounds of letters, or worksheets of letters (sounds, shape, writing)
4. Hand Writing-Worksheets 
5. Religion-Memory verse (written on board and recited every day), activity(s) from "Who Am I?" and Memory Verse book, Bible readings (including music or the passages read)
6. Science - Workbook pages, pictures of science experiments
7. Miscellaneous - O2B Kids work (art projects, pictures of sports, science projects)
2. Presented in this order:
1. Worksheets in order of: Math, Phonics, Handwriting
2. Crafts from Religion, Science, O2B Kids, Math (in clear page protectors)

What I didn't have:

1. List of books read from start of school to present (which was substantial, I had to go back through Goodreads.com, library account, current books reading on our shelves and memory to write out a list- I am sure there are books missing. Good news, we did have over 50 books in a 6 week period!)
2. Attendance Sheet (I do have this, it just wasn't/isn't in my portfolio)
3. List of textbooks (I have this also, just in my lesson plan book, not portfolio)
4. Work organized  by subject (dividers, with notebook pages as a separate "log")
5. Log of days work, organized into a section (see #4 and above)
6. The portfolio also needs to have a copy of your "letter of intent" (saying you are homeschooling and sent to the school board of your county). However, I don't need to do this until Kaine turns 6 (they don't require it until that time and Kaine is officially registered as a school child through Kolbe Academy). This will be added when Kaine starts 1st grade or turns 6 whichever comes first. 

What I have to change:

1. I need to organize the portfolio into sections. This is easy to do, I just need to get dividers and organize Kaine's work by subject
2. Keep a log of daily/weekly activities at the beginning of the portfolio (the notebook paper)
3. Add our lists of Textbooks, attendance and books read at the beginning
4. Double check to make sure that is all the portfolio needs (as appointed by the state)

      So, as you see, work needed/needs to be done. I have already placed the notebook log in the front and added dividers. I need to go through his work, by subject, and place it back into the portfolio. The one thing that is suggested is to keep the first item ever done and one of the last (example: beginning writing pages and end of unit pages). This is to show the child's progress. I, however, am going to keep ALL work (mainly because I won't throw it away anyway and it will be organized enough to keep/look at later). 

     It is nice to have a portfolio on hand. I didn't like it at first, but now I am able to see improvement in subjects (such as handwriting) that I would not have seen otherwise. It is very encouraging, especially when you don't think you are doing so well. I think it will also be nice to look at, at the end of the year, to see how much we have done and the progress we have made. I am sure the portfolio and I will be great friends after a few years! 

October 2012 already!

Hey! It's been a really long time. I have been without a laptop for a long time. Matt just found a cord for one (of the three we have) and now I am back in business!

Well, a ton of things have been happening. And since I didn't take the time to see what I posted last (cause, we all do that, right?) there might be some repeats in this post.

We started Homeschooling, officially, on September 4, 2012. Kaine is registered with Kolbe Academy as a Kindergartner. We started him a year early. I might have already explained why we did this but, I am not sure, so I will again. As I was looking over the curriculum for Pre-K, I realized that it is the same stuff he has already done, for two years in a row! So, we decided that it was time, and Kaine was ready, for the next level. So, Kindergarten at four it is! He is doing really well. His subjects are: Math, Phonics, Religion, Memory Verse, Music, Art, Handwriting, Science and Science Experiments. Some of the things I added to the curriculum are music, art and memory verses. I thought they would be good extras. We also do Prayer, Pledge, Calendar and Weather. This means that we are mostly doing prayer memorization; the pledge of allegiance; going over the calendar to recognize month, days, year and holidays; and looking out the window to discover what the days weather might be. I have to say it is going really well. Much better, in some areas, than I expected. Much worse than I expected in others, such as Handwriting! Oh, Handwriting how I loathe you! (It is getting better but, that first lesson was frustrating for both of us!) The best part is, we are learning together, I am able to see how he learns, what he is learning and what he is struggling with (so he can have more one-on-one instruction). Also, a big plus is that if he gets something right away, we can move on to something new (no wasting time). If we also don't get some things, we can decide to do more supplemental things or wait until later (when cognitive development might be better for understanding subject matter). So, all-in-all, it has been a learning experience for us both. We have had to adjust our thinking about what school is and what it means to us.

In health matters, I have gotten a little bit better. I have been talking Vitex and it seems to have helped the flooding issue I was having. However, I think my body has become used to the dose and symptoms are starting to come back. I am currently looking for a reproductive endocrinologist to help with my PCOS. I am also hoping this specialists can help me get pregnant, regulate my hormones and get things back to, or as close to normal as possible. So, the journey continues. I am hoping by Christmas I will have a clearer picture of what my health is going to look like for the long term.

If I haven't said so already, I am no longer working or looking for work. I have been able to rest, recover some and reassess my goals. I have been blessed to know that what I am doing (staying home, homeschooling) is what I am suppose to be doing. It has brought me real happiness. I feel like I can make a true difference. I have also realized that change comes in small doses. If you really want to make a difference, like I do, than you should do it one person at a time. (Not that group charity is at all bad.) I feel like making a difference in one person's life is just as spectacular as changing a million lives. And, honestly, who knows what the life you change will change later. Joseph made a decision to keep Mary, even though she was pregnant out of wedlock, and look what happened to the life he decided to honor (instead of destroy, it could have been a great loss). So, by doing my small part, I am trusting God to honor it and use it for His greater good.

Fertility

I have been working on my issues lately. I have been trying different combinations of things to help my body naturally heal. I feel like I am going to be on a really long journey here. Honestly, it is a bit overwhelming, thinking of all of the things that are out-of-balance and need to be fixed.  A part of me is starting to feel like nothing I do will improve the problems I am/have been experiencing. (If you have been reading, you know what I mean.)
I have to say taking a tincture is much better than rubbing dirt smelling, greasy progesterone on my body two times a day. However, that isn't going to be something that is stopping altogether either (it is still part of the protocol). The tincture (HB Formula) is easy to take and only takes about 5 seconds to prepare and down. It is an improvement from rubbing, rubbing and more rubbing, lol!
Anyways, I think my real problem is that I am having baby fever all over again. So, impatience is REALLY starting to kick in again. AND, because I have just started another 3 month cycle, waiting is NOT something I really want to do! *Sigh*
On  an unrelated note, I have been praying to increase my patience, soooo...maybe this is a test. I have a feeling I am going to fail but, I really don't want to. I hope God gives me the grace and abilitly to step out of my own way!

Monster Trucks

We went to Monster Jam this past weekend. It was surprisingly (for me) a lot of fun. We went because Kaine is obsessed with monster trucks. His birthday party, May 19th, is going to be monster truck themed too. That is how much he likes them!

I am getting really excited about his party. We are going to have it at our new place, which many people haven't seen. At first, however, I was underwhelmed (at best) about the monster truck theme! I really, really wanted to do a colorful birthday party (I usually say "rainbow" but, it really is more about colors, there were not going to be any rainbows about). But, I couldn't sell it, lol. I would ask, "Want to do a colorful, rainbow party? How about Pirates? Camp-out?" Pretty much anything but monster trucks! I was completely uninspired.

I am coming around. I have even found a really fun water "feature" for his party. I got it off of pinterest, of course! It is called "kid car wash" and I can not wait for Matt to build it! (Caught that did you, I DID say Matt, lol!) I think it will be amazing. According to the instructions, it isn't that expensive to make either, which is always nice. Plus, I figure, we can use it for the rest of the summer and probably for other summers too. That should be awesome! Here is a picture:

Disney's Family Fun

Pinterest

I want a baby...

...and I think I need to talk about it! People are having babies left and right, or so it seems to me. I think that is wonderful! But, there is a big part of me that wishes it was me. Hopefully it will be. I don't think I should say "soon", however.
Honestly, I know why I am starting to feel this way again. Kaine is going to be 4 in less than 4 weeks. It is making me sad! I thought for sure that we would have another by now. It makes me sad to think that he is growing up without siblings. It makes me sad to think that he may never have a sibling. Sigh.
God is working. I believe the message that is being said is: "Wait." I am not sure what I am waiting on. However, I am trying to learn all I can during this waiting period.
During this time, I am trying to get my hormones in balance. I have just started a new regime. It is hormone support that acts like a natural cycle. Which, in my opinion, is a good thing. I think trying to get a cycle as close to "normal" as possible, is a good thing. So, I am taking a product called HB Formula* (hormone balance formula), during the first two weeks (to help get rid of extra estrogen). Then, for the next two weeks I am going to take T&C Formula (or toning and cleansing) to help get rid of extra, built-up tissue and congestion in my reproductive organs (of course, you should not use this if you are TTC or prego). I am also going to be using progesterone during the T&C course. The progesterone is to help support your natural production of progesterone, which is highest during the second part of your cycle (this is also the time that you would be "implanting" if you were TTC- you need progesterone to help support a viable pregnancy). Then the cycle starts all over again. I am going to do this for, at least, three months. Then, if things seem to be normalizing, the fourth month we are going to TTC without using the T&C Formula. However, we will continue to use the progesterone until the seventh month of pregnancy, when we will start to wean off for natural labor to happen on it's own. Anyway, that is a long way off. I just hope all of this stuff works and we end up pregnant when all is said and done. Please, if you are a believer, pray earnestly for us!! Add us to all of the prayer lists that you know too! We really do need a miracle here! :)
I will try to keep this thing updated. So far, so good. I feel much better than I have now that I am using the HB Formula instead of just progesterone. I just hope it continues to go well. 
*The tinctures are from Mountain Meadow Herbs. HB Formula information. T&C Formula information.

Homeschool Curriculum

This should have been posted on 2-24-12. Because it marks a big change in our lives I am including it now. There was originally going to be more to this post but, clearly, things got away from me. :)

Our homeschool curriculum is here! I ordered it two (?) weeks ago. It has been sitting around for a few days. Occasionally I will pick up a book and read/flip through it. I have to say I have mixed feelings. I was really excited when I was ordering. I was anxiously waiting for the package to arrive (it came on Ash Wednesday, coincidence, I think not!).

Homeschool Lesson #1

The Blessed Trinity (3 person's in 1 God)

That was the title of our first lesson. It was really fun. We did it Friday because St. Patrick's day really popped up on me this year. The lesson was about the three person's of God. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. To help illustrate this image we used three leaf clovers. This really was genius (and not my idea. St. Patrick was the first one to preach this topic using the clovers. That's why they are a symbol of the day!). The clovers have three separate leaves that make up one plant. It's great fun.
I also got some pictures of Kaine. One with him alone, one with his Dad, one with his Grandparents, and one with his Uncle. I labeled the one just with Kaine as "Kaine" and put it at the top. Then I  labeled the rest as "Son", "Grandson", and "Nephew". You then get some yarn. From the first, "Kaine", photo you put yarn going from that picture to the other three. It shows that "Kaine" is also three other people but, he is also still just ONE person. God must have sent me this brilliant idea, I am not that good! Plus, the pictures look really cute on the wall (where we put ours)!
We also had two vocabulary words: Trinity and Mystery. Trinity-The Blessed Trinity; the three person's in one God. Mystery- something we can not fully understand. These two words are perfect for this lesson. "Trinity" of course is the point of the lesson. "Mystery" helps the child know that this concept is a mystery and something we cannot fully understand (I know MANY people who struggle with the concept of 3 people in 1 God).
We also focused on the "Glory Be" prayer: "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen." This helps reiterate the lesson.
All-in-all, it was a great start to our Homeschooling journey. We are going to do a little bit more on this important subject. We are also focusing on letter sounds. So far, we have done a, b, c and d. Kaine really enjoys this activity. (He has expressed interest in wanting to read. This is one of the first steps!)

I've Been Busy

Life has revealed some crazy things to me! Lot's of things have been going on. I am not even sure where to begin. That is probably why I haven't written anything in a while.

Anyway, my baby wanting hasn't really gone away. We still want all the babies that we can and God will let us! However, I have a hormonal imbalance that has made me pre-menopausal (i.e. infertile!). I had a saliva profile done and got my results on Friday. Basically, I am estrogen dominate and need to do hormone replacement therapy to resupply my body with progesterone and balance everything else out. Also, the test down right confirmed that I have PCOS. (No surprise there! We have always suspected this; since I was 15!) So, we are working on figuring out the right protocol. 

What IS clear, is that A LOT of things are about to change-Inside and Out! New diet, new exercise plan (or, I should say AN exercise plan, lol), new hormone therapy, new daily schedule and a brand new menstrual cycle (hopefully one that makes sense and let's me get prego!). LOTS going on!

Also, Kaine and I are about to go down a new path. Homeschool curriculum is in the mail and on it's way to our house! I have chosen Catholic Heritage Curriculum as our preschool program. We have chosen Kolbe Academy for the rest of his education (this I have already written on). Kolbe doesn't have a preschool program so, for a few months now, I have been in search of a good, comprehensive, religious and motivating curriculum to start our journey. I am excited about it and can't wait for our package to get here! We are going to be doing religion, music, phonics, shapes, numbers, letters, colors, sounds, and learning about the Liturgical year (Church calendar). It will be great!

We are also looking into getting Kaine into some extra curricular activities like gymnastics. He needs some kid time and some sort of energy release. I haven't found a good place yet. Once my Nanny duties are done, we will be looking more and more into it. (Alas, all things will be dependent of my freeing up my time and focusing on getting healthy.)

Because I should post something...

Depressing! I can't believe I let this thing go as long as I have without, at least, SOME word written on it! Anyway....TONS of things have changed. Some good, some bad, as it always seems to go.

The holidays were nice, a bit hectic but, filled with family. Kaine and the rest of the bunch had a great Christmas.
I started a new job (sort of) and have consequently ended said job within a month due to many factors (mainly, it just was not a comfortable situation and wasn't working with my family dynamics).
Kaine is no longer in pre-school. We want to home-school eventually anyway and I figured "why not start now?". Also, couldn't do job AND school (not that it was REALLY an issue or hard decision anyway).
I guess this is what I will talk about. Kaine misses school. He has been frequently (more now than ever) asking to go back. It breaks my heart that I have taken him out of something that he was enjoying. I truly do feel, however, that we are making a better "future" choice for him. Having said that, I don't feel like putting him in a school environment is what any of us truly want. I know what he is missing are the friends. So, we have started to look into new areas that get him out of the house and with his peers (one of the downfalls of home education, in my opinion, is ignoring the social needs of the children undergoing said home education). We want him to start gymnastics, he seems really excited about the prospect too. I would like to get him into some sort of sport but, my physiologist husband (lol) thinks that putting him into something like that too early will hinder him later in life (more along the lines of basically setting him up to be a baseball player at an early age and with the "learning" of that type of movement the body grows toward that instead of reaching its full, mobile potential. Did that make sense?). I don't really know how to explain that sort of thing. Also, my husband is super smart and knows what he is talking about so, really, I just let him handle it :).
So, Kaine is doing well in other aspects of life. But I do see room for improvement. I also see that he wasn't getting much out of going to school anyway (he really has regressed in his learning abilities). This is in part due to the fact that everyone in his class, at the pre-school, had some sort of learning disability, was behind, had speech issues or was just plain younger than he was (this makes the class sound bad but, mostly the language skills weren't as high as his and he wasn't being challenged enough). I think once we figure out this new routine and start adding "class time" to our schedule, things will work themselves out.

Moving on...

     So, we just decided tonight that we may...possibly...might be...moving. Again. I know, I know. But, really we need more space. This space would be fine and all...but...well...there is literally one "common" closet (the other three are in bedrooms (and they aren't walk in's if you get my drift). The kitchen is insanely small and doubles as a laundry room, i.e, it is VERY cluttered and hardly ever clean. Plus! No pantry. None. BIG DEAL! BIG! (Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when you read that!)
     Also, our neighbors are dirty. I mean, they have a growing pile of trash on a chair (think: like the ones you find at Goodwill that are short and weirdly upholstered, that has been there since we moved in- probably longer) that I can see from my kitchen/laundry window. Not to mention, my backyard, that isn't usable because of said trash pile and other unmentionables I found back there when, around this time last year, I was trying to clean it out! Ugh. Not to mention that there are like 7 people living in a space meant for MAYBE 3. And one of them is in a wheelchair, you do the math on that one. Except, and I wish the horrors stopped there, but the smell is unbelievable! Think: Never. Been. Cleaned. EVER. I know, gross. Get why we need to move now?
     I really, really don't want to move though. I love the area we are in. The other neighbors are awesome. Our landlord leaves us alone and pretty much lets us do whatever we want (I have seriously planted and redone the front lawn and it looks awesome!). Kaine also has friends here. Plus, I don't want to put that boy through yet ANOTHER move. (If you are counting, since he has been born this would make 3 and he is only 3 and a half.) Big parental fail. But, it would be for his benefit because we need more space. Maybe the next place will stick? Who knows. So, the search is on. Here goes nothing.

It's Halloween Season!

I have been super busy lately. Which has been a blessing (not having to focus on "baby" stuff anymore!). But, I am also starting to feel ill. Hope it goes away quickly. Anyway...
I have just finished Kaine's Angry Bird costume. I didn't want to spend $60 for the retail version. Not to mention that they are made so cheaply (which makes me even angrier about the price tag!) so, I made my own. I got a Simplicity pattern for around $10 at Joanne's. It was for a chicken costume (and another costume that is a pumpkin- SO CUTE). So, I figured I could turn the chicken costume into a red Angry Bird. So, I did. It came out amazing!! I am so thrilled by it, that I am planning on entering a Halloween costume contest too. I just love it to death. Plus, when Kaine put it on, he immediately started to act like he was a Angry Bird, with awesome sound effects too. We took him outside so I could get a good picture by our pumpkins. He started to "flap" his wings. It was really, really cute! He loves it. I am so happy about the whole thing.
Also, I am making Matt's Cher costume too. I am not so thrilled about this one. I kinda messed up on the shirt so, now I am trying to fix my mistakes without making it look too crappy (or having to eat the cost and just go out and make/or find something that will work). :( So, we will see about how this comes out. But, it entails a "fringe" or "tassel" like shirt (complete with beads!). Made out of white pleather. Can you just imagine? LOL. I also ordered a Cher wig from Amazon.com. It is hilariously long. I want to get some bright red lipstick, some make-up/paint (think foundation), stick on nails and of course (!) some fake eye lashes. Don't you wish you were coming to our Halloween party?? Haha!
We are both going to wear jeans made into bell-bottoms. I found a really good tutorial online that shows how to easily transform a pair of regular jeans into bell-bottoms. Which is nice because then you know the jeans are going to fit and then, possibly, you could just take them apart again and have your regular jeans back again (that is, if I feel like putting them back together, lol).
I am going to be Sonny, of course. I just bought a really expensive wig and mustache combo. I was trying to avoid this but, could not find a good alternative at a party store (the three that I went to, by-the-way). Then I am going to be wearing a tie-dye shirt that I got at the party store. And some "rose colored" glasses.  It is going to be hilarious. So, hilarity will ensue.

Provisions of Faith

I feel encouragement. I feel hope. Well, maybe not fully. But, I am trying. I know that there is now a reason for so many things to have happened in my life. (This, I have always suspected.) God does have a plan. I now know that I wasn't suppose to get pregnant. God was trying to tell me this whole time that I had something wrong with me. He does know that there are things that affect us, even if we can't see them ourselves. This is not going to be an easy journey. I am at the beginning of a long and tedious battle. I don't even know yet what I am facing, in fact. I just know it isn't going to be an easy one.
Now, I know I am being dramatic. It is part of who I am (most can't handle it). But, we are all selfish beings whose problems are amplified because it is the only thing we truly experience on our own. If we can somehow step outside of ourselves, we may be able to overcome (with God's divine help). It is precisely this power that has me so calm. I feel like I should be freaking out. Especially faced with the possibilities of what might be coming (more later). I just don't have it. I am in a pure "wait and see" type of feeling. A "peace that passes all understanding", I assume. It can only be from God. It is so unnatural that that is the only place it has to be from. I have to say, it is nice. In the face of hard times to have such a calm is comforting, uplifting and encouraging. A sort of "hope floats" type of thing, if you will. God is great and will provide.
Peace and understanding and love. That is what you need when you feel like you are about to fall off the face of the earth. God provides. He does, if you are willing to lay yourself aside and trust Him. That is the only condition and, although it isn't easy to do, the pay-off is worth it. You get so much more back. More than you could ever imagine. More than I could ever describe. God's love is all encompassing. God provides. God provides.

That's that.

****TMI WARNING****

     I took a pregnancy test this evening and it was negative. Still bleeding. Haven't passed any tissue, as of yet. Small to dime sized clots, followed by some dark red blood flow. Minor (seriously minor) cramps, off and on. I guess we are in for a drawn out loss. Not happy. Not sure where we are going to go from here. Don't really want to do anything. A bit angry. Mostly numb. Not really feeling anything. Matt's not taking it well but, trying to hide it. Gotta love a man that will protect you, no matter what. 

Uh oh...

Started bleeding yesterday (now 9 weeks). Not that bad. Once I get off my feet it seems to stop or slow down. Started out red and (mostly with clots. thought I was just passing a clot). Now it is dark and only there when I wipe. I know my body is going through the corpus lutem to placenta change, and I hope this has something to do with it. Also, that a uterine growth spurt is suppose to be happening about this time (which, in some women, apparently, can cause bleeding). So, I am hoping that this is all it is. Also, maybe it has something to do with low lying placenta? or placenta implantation? Many options. Most of what I have heard and read has said "don't worry, it is normal" and "as long as you aren't bleeding enough to need a pad, don't worry". I can say, at least, that last time I needed a pad within hours of the bleeding starting. Also, I have a personal friend that significant bleeding (due to blood -think "old blood"- being trapped between her uterus and the babies amniotic sac.) She now has a healthy 6th month old with NO problems. The bleeding also resolved it self after about 3 weeks. She was on bed rest at first and then they said, light activity. So...yeah.
The biggest thing is, that it isn't getting worse (last time it did). It is also getting darker which, as far a bleeding goes, is a "good sign". So...IDK, just freaking out a little. I guess not being past 10 weeks (that's when the miscarriage happened last April) is making me nervous. I am trying not to worry, especially since no one else seems to be worried about it. Except Matt and I. 

Eight Weeks and 9/11

     Saturday was eight weeks. I'm late at posting, Saturdays aren't really good days for me to get on here. We are usually out doing stuff. Anyway...
     The pregnancy so far is going awesome. I am already in maternity clothes because my other pants just "aren't comfortable". I can still button my regular pants and wear them however, when I sit there is this uncomfortable pressure. We also discovered yesterday that I have a "baby bump". Nothing really big enough to write home about and you can't tell that I am pregnant (unless you actually know that I am wearing maternity clothes).
     My symptoms have eased up this week too. I am still really thirsty (I suspect because it is still really hot). I'm not nauseous and I am super hungry. My boobs are still sensitive but, they are getting better (or I am just getting more and more used to it). My nose is really sensitive. I think the biggest thing about this week is that it has really hit me that I am pregnant! The excitement is beginning to really come out! I actually want to tell people but, I haven't and I know that that is the best decision, for now.
     Weepiness is crazy too. Especially yesterday being the tenth anniversary of 9/11. We watched "102 Minutes that Changed America" on History last night. It was commercial free and it felt as if it was happening right then. It was footage that people in New York were taking from their windows and the street. It contained shots that the news cameras didn't even get. It was a bit intense but, it was appropriate for the occasion and I would recommend it to anyone who would really want to "re-live" the day (not that you would want to). It was really well done though, you should check it out.
Also, I really want to go and see the memorial that was unveiled, it came out amazing! Two fountains that have a void that the water is trying to wash away. There is also a museum too. Amazing!