That's that.

****TMI WARNING****

     I took a pregnancy test this evening and it was negative. Still bleeding. Haven't passed any tissue, as of yet. Small to dime sized clots, followed by some dark red blood flow. Minor (seriously minor) cramps, off and on. I guess we are in for a drawn out loss. Not happy. Not sure where we are going to go from here. Don't really want to do anything. A bit angry. Mostly numb. Not really feeling anything. Matt's not taking it well but, trying to hide it. Gotta love a man that will protect you, no matter what. 

Uh oh...

Started bleeding yesterday (now 9 weeks). Not that bad. Once I get off my feet it seems to stop or slow down. Started out red and (mostly with clots. thought I was just passing a clot). Now it is dark and only there when I wipe. I know my body is going through the corpus lutem to placenta change, and I hope this has something to do with it. Also, that a uterine growth spurt is suppose to be happening about this time (which, in some women, apparently, can cause bleeding). So, I am hoping that this is all it is. Also, maybe it has something to do with low lying placenta? or placenta implantation? Many options. Most of what I have heard and read has said "don't worry, it is normal" and "as long as you aren't bleeding enough to need a pad, don't worry". I can say, at least, that last time I needed a pad within hours of the bleeding starting. Also, I have a personal friend that significant bleeding (due to blood -think "old blood"- being trapped between her uterus and the babies amniotic sac.) She now has a healthy 6th month old with NO problems. The bleeding also resolved it self after about 3 weeks. She was on bed rest at first and then they said, light activity. So...yeah.
The biggest thing is, that it isn't getting worse (last time it did). It is also getting darker which, as far a bleeding goes, is a "good sign". So...IDK, just freaking out a little. I guess not being past 10 weeks (that's when the miscarriage happened last April) is making me nervous. I am trying not to worry, especially since no one else seems to be worried about it. Except Matt and I. 

Eight Weeks and 9/11

     Saturday was eight weeks. I'm late at posting, Saturdays aren't really good days for me to get on here. We are usually out doing stuff. Anyway...
     The pregnancy so far is going awesome. I am already in maternity clothes because my other pants just "aren't comfortable". I can still button my regular pants and wear them however, when I sit there is this uncomfortable pressure. We also discovered yesterday that I have a "baby bump". Nothing really big enough to write home about and you can't tell that I am pregnant (unless you actually know that I am wearing maternity clothes).
     My symptoms have eased up this week too. I am still really thirsty (I suspect because it is still really hot). I'm not nauseous and I am super hungry. My boobs are still sensitive but, they are getting better (or I am just getting more and more used to it). My nose is really sensitive. I think the biggest thing about this week is that it has really hit me that I am pregnant! The excitement is beginning to really come out! I actually want to tell people but, I haven't and I know that that is the best decision, for now.
     Weepiness is crazy too. Especially yesterday being the tenth anniversary of 9/11. We watched "102 Minutes that Changed America" on History last night. It was commercial free and it felt as if it was happening right then. It was footage that people in New York were taking from their windows and the street. It contained shots that the news cameras didn't even get. It was a bit intense but, it was appropriate for the occasion and I would recommend it to anyone who would really want to "re-live" the day (not that you would want to). It was really well done though, you should check it out.
Also, I really want to go and see the memorial that was unveiled, it came out amazing! Two fountains that have a void that the water is trying to wash away. There is also a museum too. Amazing!

Crafting

     My sewing room/bedroom has been taken over lately. Not just by me either. Matt and I have both laid claim to the craft table, as of late. His for making arrows, or fixing them and painting them with cool designs. Mine for making Kaine an Angry Bird costume for Halloween and planning a Halloween/Birthday Party (for Jordan) for this coming October.
     The Angry Bird costume is going to be awesome! And, as a total bonus, I just discovered (or, I should say, my husband just discovered) that the Wal-Mart right around the corner has fabric! Apparently, they are bringing it back. Which will be really nice, especially since their sales are awesome! Anyway, about the costume, I am using a Simplicity "learn to sew" pattern #2070. I am actually using the one that looks like a bird but altering it (the applique) to look like the face and belly of the red Angry Bird (which Kaine has named "Cross" (as in, "his face is cross looking". I don't know where he learned that word). But, I am not using the hood/hat because Angry Bird faces/bodies are really all one big thing (plus, is is way, way to hot to wear a fleece hat in Florida). It comes with long sleeves that are lose and "chicken feet/legs" (because it is supposed to be a chicken) but, I am shortening the sleeves to above the elbow and debating on the legs (Angry Birds don't have legs, they just sort of hop around when, of course, they aren't being shot from a sling shot). So, I don't know. I personally think the legs will add cuteness, Matt insists that he not have legs to be more like the original. What-to-do, what-to-do?
     The Halloween party is going to be really fun to. I am in charge of the decorations and Mom is doing the food (but she keeps wanting to buy things for the tables - occupational hazard, lol).  We are doing a "black and orange" theme (mostly pumpkins, some cats and bats). It is completely, "not to scarey" and we are not (!) going to let people come in bloody/dead/scarey costumes. It would be inappropriate and we want to leave that side of Halloween out of it! But, it is going to be fun!
     Speaking of costumes, Matt and I are going to go as "Sonny and Cher" but in drag. It is going to be hilarious! Mom wants George to dress up as "Mrs. Doubtfire", which, in my opinion, would be even more hilarious!! I hope she actually gets him to do it. But, then I don't know what she would be. We are going to have a "best costume" contest, along with other games. George would be a dead ringer for winner if he came dressed like that! Ha-ha!
     I am currently planning all the decorations. I have started this early because I like to make a lot of things that I will be using. Gives my creative outlet something fun to do. It also makes the party a "one of a kind" deal instead of some "cookie cutter/prepackaged" gig.  I just want to give it that something extra. Not to mention, I get to keep awesome decor for my own house for the future! So, Martha Stewart and I are planning on having one great looking clubhouse! (By the way, if you have never been to the Martha Stewart website, it is totally worth it! Not only does she have tons of ideas but, she tells you how to create most or all of them - even the ones that she sells prepackaged at craft stores! You can get the same style for way cheaper!) So, as I am sure you know, you will be hearing about crafting for weeks now, lol!

Seven Weeks

     I was officially seven weeks yesterday. I still have not told anyone (except both of my sisters, because we were in a competition to see who could lose the most weight and were telling each other every week how much we had lost. Couldn't very well keep up with that now could I?). I had an unexpected stay over with my mom last week (out of pure exhaustion and a great opportunity to buy school clothes) and she, or course, said, "I feel like you have to tell me something. Is there anything that you want to tell me?" When I said, "No." (because, at this time, I do not want to tell her). She said, "I think you might be pregnant." Which sort of surprised me but, not really. She, after-all was the one to tell me insist really that I was pregnant with Kaine before the tests revealed anything (and believe me, I had taken plenty!). However, I didn't confirm anything and will let her think what she wants for some time. No pressure, remember?
     So, I have been feeling extremely tired lately. I really don't remember it being this bad. Yesterday I swear I spent all day in bed. I have been nauseous too. But, I did have that last time and thank goodness, I rarely seem to actually get sick. Morning sickness doesn't seem to last after the first trimester for me either. Which is a major blessing. My breasts have also been reacting to this pregnancy. I am SO thankful that it is no where near the pain level that I felt last time (thought I had lymphoma, I was in so much pain! No, seriously!). I have also had some abdominal pressure (in the beginning weeks). Sleep is uncomfortable, I just can't seem to get the right position. My body also aches, which I read is very common (I guess with all the different hormones and ligaments softening and just plain changes that I am going through, there is bound to be some growing pains). Hunger was strong at first (probably because I was still following a diet) but now I have to force myself to eat (I am not hungry, at all). I also have a strong milk aversion, which is weird (never had that before). So, those are the symptoms, thus far.
     I feel like this pregnancy is wonderful and God sent. That nothing will happen because God's hand is on it. I also have peace, that if something were to happen, it is all part of the bigger plan to bring me closer to God. I am going to use this pregnancy as a faith builder. I am going to focus on the positives and let everything else be in God's hands. There are still things I am working on, that God is currently leading me to and through. I have faith that He is with me every step of the way. I have faith that this path is His path and I am not being led astray. All things work to the glory of God.

Home School

     Hello. I know my blog jumps around a lot. However, that is how life is so, I just tell you like it is, I guess. Anyway. Kaine is starting another year of preschool and First United Methodist, downtown. I really love their program and wish that they had more than a 2, 3 and 4 year old class. But, I know that some people are just called to do that age group.
      Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about the future. In terms of, "what are we going to do for Kindergarten?", "What about middle and high school?". I would really like to send him to St. Patrick's Interparish School (that has a ranking in the top 10% in the nation!) but, we can't afford $800 a month. We aren't Catholic, so we can't get the Catholic discount. We also can't get the scholarship because you have to go through your church. And, as much as I hate to say this, we haven't decided on a church home yet. So, what to do?
     I have played, off-and-on, with the idea of home school. First I hated the idea (almost as much as I hate the idea of public education). Public school is completely NOT an option. Private school is a wonderful option, until I couldn't figure out a feasible way to pay for it. So, what is left? Let my child go to public school and hope for the best? Or, figure out an at-home program that will work for us?
     When I asked Kaine what he would like to do (and I weighted the question in favor of school) he said, "I want to go to school with you!" So, I guess we have an answer to that question. I went on a search for Christian based home school (because, in my opinion, not teaching your child in the Faith  is unacceptable, being a believer and all). 
     The only problem with finding a good program? There are literally millions of programs out there. I was instantly overwhelmed with the choices. I wanted something that was challenging, college prep, Christian based (as number one), and at a good pace (as in, can keep up with everyone else and stay on the same level or one step ahead). I didn't realize there were so many types of home schools either. Did I want to "unschool" (which seems like a very unrealistic option-with  no structure), have a rigorous hyper scheduled program (which is the opposite of the previous option and may be no good), did I want to make my own program or buy someone else's and everything to consider that runs in-between these options. 
     Okay, so I made a mental list of the options that appealed to me. I wanted structure, planned out lessons that were competitive and above par, college prep would be nice, a religious course that would actually teach you the principles of the Faith, a proven curriculum, a challenging literature program, the option of flexibility, subjects that were on par or superior to what is being taught in "traditional" schools, option of dual enrollment (when he is older), option of college credit and standardized tests (this is a hot button topic for most home-schoolers, I am finding out but, I do believe in testing- just not teaching a test). At first, I thought I was going to have to compromise or combine different elements of many programs together (which, just sounds like a nightmare!). But, God is good and faithful and led us to a wonderful program.
     After doing a ton of research (that still needs to be done regarding school laws and such) we have decided on Koble Academy. You can go to the link and see what I mean about their standards, if you would like. It is Catholic based but, I really like how they base the year on the liturgical calendar and teach kids about the structure of the Church (being Episcopalian, it is very similar- and apparently Episcopalians aren't that big into doing home school? Don't know what that is about??) Their standards are above what I thought I would be able to find. So much so, that if we continue with the whole program Kaine will be reading well into college level by the end of high school. It was also just updated (last year) and the people they have on staff each have multiple degrees in education based fields. I am very impressed, to say the least. I also loved that there are sample lesson plans on their site, so I can see what we are really getting into. The total cost for Kindergarten is a plus too: $555.50, including registration fees, for the whole year! It does get increasingly more expensive but, it is no where near what you would be paying for private school anywhere else. It is a good option for us.