Moving on...

     So, we just decided tonight that we may...possibly...might be...moving. Again. I know, I know. But, really we need more space. This space would be fine and all...but...well...there is literally one "common" closet (the other three are in bedrooms (and they aren't walk in's if you get my drift). The kitchen is insanely small and doubles as a laundry room, i.e, it is VERY cluttered and hardly ever clean. Plus! No pantry. None. BIG DEAL! BIG! (Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when you read that!)
     Also, our neighbors are dirty. I mean, they have a growing pile of trash on a chair (think: like the ones you find at Goodwill that are short and weirdly upholstered, that has been there since we moved in- probably longer) that I can see from my kitchen/laundry window. Not to mention, my backyard, that isn't usable because of said trash pile and other unmentionables I found back there when, around this time last year, I was trying to clean it out! Ugh. Not to mention that there are like 7 people living in a space meant for MAYBE 3. And one of them is in a wheelchair, you do the math on that one. Except, and I wish the horrors stopped there, but the smell is unbelievable! Think: Never. Been. Cleaned. EVER. I know, gross. Get why we need to move now?
     I really, really don't want to move though. I love the area we are in. The other neighbors are awesome. Our landlord leaves us alone and pretty much lets us do whatever we want (I have seriously planted and redone the front lawn and it looks awesome!). Kaine also has friends here. Plus, I don't want to put that boy through yet ANOTHER move. (If you are counting, since he has been born this would make 3 and he is only 3 and a half.) Big parental fail. But, it would be for his benefit because we need more space. Maybe the next place will stick? Who knows. So, the search is on. Here goes nothing.

It's Halloween Season!

I have been super busy lately. Which has been a blessing (not having to focus on "baby" stuff anymore!). But, I am also starting to feel ill. Hope it goes away quickly. Anyway...
I have just finished Kaine's Angry Bird costume. I didn't want to spend $60 for the retail version. Not to mention that they are made so cheaply (which makes me even angrier about the price tag!) so, I made my own. I got a Simplicity pattern for around $10 at Joanne's. It was for a chicken costume (and another costume that is a pumpkin- SO CUTE). So, I figured I could turn the chicken costume into a red Angry Bird. So, I did. It came out amazing!! I am so thrilled by it, that I am planning on entering a Halloween costume contest too. I just love it to death. Plus, when Kaine put it on, he immediately started to act like he was a Angry Bird, with awesome sound effects too. We took him outside so I could get a good picture by our pumpkins. He started to "flap" his wings. It was really, really cute! He loves it. I am so happy about the whole thing.
Also, I am making Matt's Cher costume too. I am not so thrilled about this one. I kinda messed up on the shirt so, now I am trying to fix my mistakes without making it look too crappy (or having to eat the cost and just go out and make/or find something that will work). :( So, we will see about how this comes out. But, it entails a "fringe" or "tassel" like shirt (complete with beads!). Made out of white pleather. Can you just imagine? LOL. I also ordered a Cher wig from Amazon.com. It is hilariously long. I want to get some bright red lipstick, some make-up/paint (think foundation), stick on nails and of course (!) some fake eye lashes. Don't you wish you were coming to our Halloween party?? Haha!
We are both going to wear jeans made into bell-bottoms. I found a really good tutorial online that shows how to easily transform a pair of regular jeans into bell-bottoms. Which is nice because then you know the jeans are going to fit and then, possibly, you could just take them apart again and have your regular jeans back again (that is, if I feel like putting them back together, lol).
I am going to be Sonny, of course. I just bought a really expensive wig and mustache combo. I was trying to avoid this but, could not find a good alternative at a party store (the three that I went to, by-the-way). Then I am going to be wearing a tie-dye shirt that I got at the party store. And some "rose colored" glasses.  It is going to be hilarious. So, hilarity will ensue.

Provisions of Faith

I feel encouragement. I feel hope. Well, maybe not fully. But, I am trying. I know that there is now a reason for so many things to have happened in my life. (This, I have always suspected.) God does have a plan. I now know that I wasn't suppose to get pregnant. God was trying to tell me this whole time that I had something wrong with me. He does know that there are things that affect us, even if we can't see them ourselves. This is not going to be an easy journey. I am at the beginning of a long and tedious battle. I don't even know yet what I am facing, in fact. I just know it isn't going to be an easy one.
Now, I know I am being dramatic. It is part of who I am (most can't handle it). But, we are all selfish beings whose problems are amplified because it is the only thing we truly experience on our own. If we can somehow step outside of ourselves, we may be able to overcome (with God's divine help). It is precisely this power that has me so calm. I feel like I should be freaking out. Especially faced with the possibilities of what might be coming (more later). I just don't have it. I am in a pure "wait and see" type of feeling. A "peace that passes all understanding", I assume. It can only be from God. It is so unnatural that that is the only place it has to be from. I have to say, it is nice. In the face of hard times to have such a calm is comforting, uplifting and encouraging. A sort of "hope floats" type of thing, if you will. God is great and will provide.
Peace and understanding and love. That is what you need when you feel like you are about to fall off the face of the earth. God provides. He does, if you are willing to lay yourself aside and trust Him. That is the only condition and, although it isn't easy to do, the pay-off is worth it. You get so much more back. More than you could ever imagine. More than I could ever describe. God's love is all encompassing. God provides. God provides.

That's that.

****TMI WARNING****

     I took a pregnancy test this evening and it was negative. Still bleeding. Haven't passed any tissue, as of yet. Small to dime sized clots, followed by some dark red blood flow. Minor (seriously minor) cramps, off and on. I guess we are in for a drawn out loss. Not happy. Not sure where we are going to go from here. Don't really want to do anything. A bit angry. Mostly numb. Not really feeling anything. Matt's not taking it well but, trying to hide it. Gotta love a man that will protect you, no matter what. 

Uh oh...

Started bleeding yesterday (now 9 weeks). Not that bad. Once I get off my feet it seems to stop or slow down. Started out red and (mostly with clots. thought I was just passing a clot). Now it is dark and only there when I wipe. I know my body is going through the corpus lutem to placenta change, and I hope this has something to do with it. Also, that a uterine growth spurt is suppose to be happening about this time (which, in some women, apparently, can cause bleeding). So, I am hoping that this is all it is. Also, maybe it has something to do with low lying placenta? or placenta implantation? Many options. Most of what I have heard and read has said "don't worry, it is normal" and "as long as you aren't bleeding enough to need a pad, don't worry". I can say, at least, that last time I needed a pad within hours of the bleeding starting. Also, I have a personal friend that significant bleeding (due to blood -think "old blood"- being trapped between her uterus and the babies amniotic sac.) She now has a healthy 6th month old with NO problems. The bleeding also resolved it self after about 3 weeks. She was on bed rest at first and then they said, light activity. So...yeah.
The biggest thing is, that it isn't getting worse (last time it did). It is also getting darker which, as far a bleeding goes, is a "good sign". So...IDK, just freaking out a little. I guess not being past 10 weeks (that's when the miscarriage happened last April) is making me nervous. I am trying not to worry, especially since no one else seems to be worried about it. Except Matt and I. 

Eight Weeks and 9/11

     Saturday was eight weeks. I'm late at posting, Saturdays aren't really good days for me to get on here. We are usually out doing stuff. Anyway...
     The pregnancy so far is going awesome. I am already in maternity clothes because my other pants just "aren't comfortable". I can still button my regular pants and wear them however, when I sit there is this uncomfortable pressure. We also discovered yesterday that I have a "baby bump". Nothing really big enough to write home about and you can't tell that I am pregnant (unless you actually know that I am wearing maternity clothes).
     My symptoms have eased up this week too. I am still really thirsty (I suspect because it is still really hot). I'm not nauseous and I am super hungry. My boobs are still sensitive but, they are getting better (or I am just getting more and more used to it). My nose is really sensitive. I think the biggest thing about this week is that it has really hit me that I am pregnant! The excitement is beginning to really come out! I actually want to tell people but, I haven't and I know that that is the best decision, for now.
     Weepiness is crazy too. Especially yesterday being the tenth anniversary of 9/11. We watched "102 Minutes that Changed America" on History last night. It was commercial free and it felt as if it was happening right then. It was footage that people in New York were taking from their windows and the street. It contained shots that the news cameras didn't even get. It was a bit intense but, it was appropriate for the occasion and I would recommend it to anyone who would really want to "re-live" the day (not that you would want to). It was really well done though, you should check it out.
Also, I really want to go and see the memorial that was unveiled, it came out amazing! Two fountains that have a void that the water is trying to wash away. There is also a museum too. Amazing!

Crafting

     My sewing room/bedroom has been taken over lately. Not just by me either. Matt and I have both laid claim to the craft table, as of late. His for making arrows, or fixing them and painting them with cool designs. Mine for making Kaine an Angry Bird costume for Halloween and planning a Halloween/Birthday Party (for Jordan) for this coming October.
     The Angry Bird costume is going to be awesome! And, as a total bonus, I just discovered (or, I should say, my husband just discovered) that the Wal-Mart right around the corner has fabric! Apparently, they are bringing it back. Which will be really nice, especially since their sales are awesome! Anyway, about the costume, I am using a Simplicity "learn to sew" pattern #2070. I am actually using the one that looks like a bird but altering it (the applique) to look like the face and belly of the red Angry Bird (which Kaine has named "Cross" (as in, "his face is cross looking". I don't know where he learned that word). But, I am not using the hood/hat because Angry Bird faces/bodies are really all one big thing (plus, is is way, way to hot to wear a fleece hat in Florida). It comes with long sleeves that are lose and "chicken feet/legs" (because it is supposed to be a chicken) but, I am shortening the sleeves to above the elbow and debating on the legs (Angry Birds don't have legs, they just sort of hop around when, of course, they aren't being shot from a sling shot). So, I don't know. I personally think the legs will add cuteness, Matt insists that he not have legs to be more like the original. What-to-do, what-to-do?
     The Halloween party is going to be really fun to. I am in charge of the decorations and Mom is doing the food (but she keeps wanting to buy things for the tables - occupational hazard, lol).  We are doing a "black and orange" theme (mostly pumpkins, some cats and bats). It is completely, "not to scarey" and we are not (!) going to let people come in bloody/dead/scarey costumes. It would be inappropriate and we want to leave that side of Halloween out of it! But, it is going to be fun!
     Speaking of costumes, Matt and I are going to go as "Sonny and Cher" but in drag. It is going to be hilarious! Mom wants George to dress up as "Mrs. Doubtfire", which, in my opinion, would be even more hilarious!! I hope she actually gets him to do it. But, then I don't know what she would be. We are going to have a "best costume" contest, along with other games. George would be a dead ringer for winner if he came dressed like that! Ha-ha!
     I am currently planning all the decorations. I have started this early because I like to make a lot of things that I will be using. Gives my creative outlet something fun to do. It also makes the party a "one of a kind" deal instead of some "cookie cutter/prepackaged" gig.  I just want to give it that something extra. Not to mention, I get to keep awesome decor for my own house for the future! So, Martha Stewart and I are planning on having one great looking clubhouse! (By the way, if you have never been to the Martha Stewart website, it is totally worth it! Not only does she have tons of ideas but, she tells you how to create most or all of them - even the ones that she sells prepackaged at craft stores! You can get the same style for way cheaper!) So, as I am sure you know, you will be hearing about crafting for weeks now, lol!

Seven Weeks

     I was officially seven weeks yesterday. I still have not told anyone (except both of my sisters, because we were in a competition to see who could lose the most weight and were telling each other every week how much we had lost. Couldn't very well keep up with that now could I?). I had an unexpected stay over with my mom last week (out of pure exhaustion and a great opportunity to buy school clothes) and she, or course, said, "I feel like you have to tell me something. Is there anything that you want to tell me?" When I said, "No." (because, at this time, I do not want to tell her). She said, "I think you might be pregnant." Which sort of surprised me but, not really. She, after-all was the one to tell me insist really that I was pregnant with Kaine before the tests revealed anything (and believe me, I had taken plenty!). However, I didn't confirm anything and will let her think what she wants for some time. No pressure, remember?
     So, I have been feeling extremely tired lately. I really don't remember it being this bad. Yesterday I swear I spent all day in bed. I have been nauseous too. But, I did have that last time and thank goodness, I rarely seem to actually get sick. Morning sickness doesn't seem to last after the first trimester for me either. Which is a major blessing. My breasts have also been reacting to this pregnancy. I am SO thankful that it is no where near the pain level that I felt last time (thought I had lymphoma, I was in so much pain! No, seriously!). I have also had some abdominal pressure (in the beginning weeks). Sleep is uncomfortable, I just can't seem to get the right position. My body also aches, which I read is very common (I guess with all the different hormones and ligaments softening and just plain changes that I am going through, there is bound to be some growing pains). Hunger was strong at first (probably because I was still following a diet) but now I have to force myself to eat (I am not hungry, at all). I also have a strong milk aversion, which is weird (never had that before). So, those are the symptoms, thus far.
     I feel like this pregnancy is wonderful and God sent. That nothing will happen because God's hand is on it. I also have peace, that if something were to happen, it is all part of the bigger plan to bring me closer to God. I am going to use this pregnancy as a faith builder. I am going to focus on the positives and let everything else be in God's hands. There are still things I am working on, that God is currently leading me to and through. I have faith that He is with me every step of the way. I have faith that this path is His path and I am not being led astray. All things work to the glory of God.

Home School

     Hello. I know my blog jumps around a lot. However, that is how life is so, I just tell you like it is, I guess. Anyway. Kaine is starting another year of preschool and First United Methodist, downtown. I really love their program and wish that they had more than a 2, 3 and 4 year old class. But, I know that some people are just called to do that age group.
      Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about the future. In terms of, "what are we going to do for Kindergarten?", "What about middle and high school?". I would really like to send him to St. Patrick's Interparish School (that has a ranking in the top 10% in the nation!) but, we can't afford $800 a month. We aren't Catholic, so we can't get the Catholic discount. We also can't get the scholarship because you have to go through your church. And, as much as I hate to say this, we haven't decided on a church home yet. So, what to do?
     I have played, off-and-on, with the idea of home school. First I hated the idea (almost as much as I hate the idea of public education). Public school is completely NOT an option. Private school is a wonderful option, until I couldn't figure out a feasible way to pay for it. So, what is left? Let my child go to public school and hope for the best? Or, figure out an at-home program that will work for us?
     When I asked Kaine what he would like to do (and I weighted the question in favor of school) he said, "I want to go to school with you!" So, I guess we have an answer to that question. I went on a search for Christian based home school (because, in my opinion, not teaching your child in the Faith  is unacceptable, being a believer and all). 
     The only problem with finding a good program? There are literally millions of programs out there. I was instantly overwhelmed with the choices. I wanted something that was challenging, college prep, Christian based (as number one), and at a good pace (as in, can keep up with everyone else and stay on the same level or one step ahead). I didn't realize there were so many types of home schools either. Did I want to "unschool" (which seems like a very unrealistic option-with  no structure), have a rigorous hyper scheduled program (which is the opposite of the previous option and may be no good), did I want to make my own program or buy someone else's and everything to consider that runs in-between these options. 
     Okay, so I made a mental list of the options that appealed to me. I wanted structure, planned out lessons that were competitive and above par, college prep would be nice, a religious course that would actually teach you the principles of the Faith, a proven curriculum, a challenging literature program, the option of flexibility, subjects that were on par or superior to what is being taught in "traditional" schools, option of dual enrollment (when he is older), option of college credit and standardized tests (this is a hot button topic for most home-schoolers, I am finding out but, I do believe in testing- just not teaching a test). At first, I thought I was going to have to compromise or combine different elements of many programs together (which, just sounds like a nightmare!). But, God is good and faithful and led us to a wonderful program.
     After doing a ton of research (that still needs to be done regarding school laws and such) we have decided on Koble Academy. You can go to the link and see what I mean about their standards, if you would like. It is Catholic based but, I really like how they base the year on the liturgical calendar and teach kids about the structure of the Church (being Episcopalian, it is very similar- and apparently Episcopalians aren't that big into doing home school? Don't know what that is about??) Their standards are above what I thought I would be able to find. So much so, that if we continue with the whole program Kaine will be reading well into college level by the end of high school. It was also just updated (last year) and the people they have on staff each have multiple degrees in education based fields. I am very impressed, to say the least. I also loved that there are sample lesson plans on their site, so I can see what we are really getting into. The total cost for Kindergarten is a plus too: $555.50, including registration fees, for the whole year! It does get increasingly more expensive but, it is no where near what you would be paying for private school anywhere else. It is a good option for us.

I have DIVINE news!

Have you guessed what it might be? Well...have you?? hehe.

Yesterday was Matt's birthday. I wanted to wait and test (you know what I mean!) until this day. I really felt lead to wait. So, I waited. But, instead of testing, I went into the bathroom (the most private place in the whole house!) and took a Bible with me. I have, I don't know if I have ever mentioned this before, a connection with God through asking questions and being able to open right up to the passage/verse that I need. (If that didn't make any sense, it hopefully will soon.) So, I went into the bathroom and asked God for a sign. I opened the Bible, and lo and behold (!) the very first verse I read said this (unfortunately, I didn't write down the reference!):

"Let this be a sign unto you" 

How awesome, incredible and totally divine is that!!?? I knew God wouldn't let me down! Also, Matt got the birthday wish that he wanted granted. When I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said, jokingly, "Make me a baby!" lol. Well, God knows (and perhaps has a greater sense of humor than I already thought) the desires of our hearts. He is faithful and deserves ALL the glory! 

We also got our speculum in, that I mentioned that I ordered in one of my lasts posts. Matt and I checked last night, out of pure curiosity (not lack of faith in God's Word) to see what Chadwick's sign looks like. We got a definite positive Chadwick sign. It looked just like all of the pictures I have ever seen of it. Plus, it was cool, which, I suspect, was the whole reason we wanted to look in the first place. (Did I mention that such things DO NOT gross out my husband? Well, they don't. Which, I am so grateful to say, is one of the things that makes us work so well!)

So, according to my calculations we are 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant! I am currently having:

• Mood swings
• Restless leg syndrom
• Hunger
• Engulfing sleepiness (except at night)
• Insomnia
• Stomach/Intestinal issues
• Nausea 
• Sore/Tender Breasts
• Plate-like areolas
• Lower back/body aches
• Missed period
• Sensitivity to smells
• And all that was mentioned before
• High, softer, closed cervix
• Clear fluid discharge

We are "due" April 21, 2012. Although the average pregnancy lasts 265 days from conception which really puts us closer to April 11-12, 2012. But, we are going to tell everyone mid May and keep the date to ourselves. I don't want people pestering me. (Aren't you guys lucky!?)
Also, speaking of people pestering me; we aren't planning on telling anyone about our pregnancy until about five months or so. I am a bit larger, body wise, so I don't think this should be a problem. And, of course, just in case something happens (which I have a peace about, regarding that this one is good and viable!) we don't want people getting their hopes up or making a bigger deal (or not such a big deal-which is worse) out of our loss. People were really bad about pestering me last time. I was REALLY stressed out and I didn't enjoy any of that short-lived pregnancy. So, in keeping with harmony and peace, no one will know until Christmas or around/past the New Year.

*Oh also, Kaine starts school next Wednesday. Meet the teacher is on Friday. And! It has taken me triple the time to type this because Kaine pulled off the "I" button on our laptop and we can't find it anywhere. It is really annoying! More on all of this later. *Blessings!

Maybe. Maybe not?

     Okay, I don't want to sound like I am crying wolf or anything but, something is going on, ahem, down there. I'm not really sure what, to tell you the truth. All I know is, I have been sans period since July 26th. Which is awesome for me! I should have had a period some time this week (from last Wednesday to today). Nothing has showed up. I had some cramping earlier in my cycle (which was weird) but, nothing else. I didn't go through the "dry spell" after ovulation (this I am supposing happened around the 30th or so (I got a slight positive on the OPK that Tuesday-so I tested after it had passed). So, if we are pregnant that would be awesome!
     I did read on an OB textbook site that the best time to test is around 40 days past ovulation (dpo). So, because I haven't gotten either a positive prego test or a period, I am going to wait and see which happens first. I have to say, I am definitely taking it better this time around. I haven't gotten my hopes up. I have, very much, taken a "well, there are a lot of things that can be affecting this" attitude. I am really just waiting and seeing if things get stronger. I haven't had and "definite" signs, just supposed ones. Also, I just ordered a speculum so I can get a better feel for my cervical changes. (I am a visual learner, mostly. Having a more "hands on" and "eyes on" approach, if you will excuse the phrase, will help me.)  Day 40 will be September 7th. But, as before, I am also going to wait and see if I miss two periods. That is a dead ringer clue for me. I NEVER EVER miss two in a row. The last time I did, Kaine was on board. So, here is to hoping for a positive test. If not, there is always next month, or the months after that, lol.

My symptoms (most of which also happen before AF arrives)*:
Sore-ish boobs
Big plate-like areolas (slightly brown)
High cervix (with twinges)
No dry spell (CM is clear/white and watery/creamy)
Starting to notice a slight increase in smells
Thirsty
Want Ice
Hungry (for carbs but, that might be the diet change talking)
No breast enlargment
Bluish vagina (TMI, sorry)
Sleepy in the afternoon (more so than normal-more like, have to take a nap)
Missed/Late period
Moody
Irritable (at the slightest thing)

*So as you can see, it really isn't much different from PMS, although my period was missed/late. Time will only tell. Eventually the little being has to come out! :)

Computer Crashed

Well, sort of. We got a Trojan virus. All of our stuff was completely wiped out. That taught me to back things up! The saddest part is that ALL of my video's are gone. The pictures I had put on FaceBook and I can recover, at least. It really does suck though. Matt also said that we may still be able to recover somethings. I hope, for his sake (all the documents got wiped too) that we can. So, all-in-all, I guess it could have been worse. I was freaking out when I thought all the pictures were gone. I probably wouldn't have recovered from that.
But, lesson learned, I guess.

What's it all about?

Weird dreams (which is weird for me anyway, I don't have dreams!)...insomnia...very thirsty...pressure in my lower abdomen...increased libido (for a while anyway)...very hungry...funny cramps...weird tingles in my chest area...large, brown areolas (TMI, sorry)...
What is going on? I am hoping it is something wonderful...we will have to wait and see. Also, it may just be my body reacting to the "reset" that I did with the progesterone cream. So, who knows? The best news is...I have gone FOUR WHOLE WEEKS without a period or a feeling of one! WOO-HOO!! I feel like celebrating!! I have to say, it has been quite nice. I forgot what it felt like to have a "normal" cycle or, for that much, two normal weeks. To say the least, it has been nice. It's good news! Hopefully, very soon we will have even better news. But, if not, the weight loss and diet changes will continue until I am satisfied with myself (or become...well, you know what!).    :)

Shopping Bug

...it has bit me. As it often does around this time of year. I guess it is from going back to school shopping every year around this time. I don't know. I know Fall fashion really does call to me. Honestly, if I could shop and wear Fall ALL year, I totally would! The colors, style and, well...everything! just speaks to me! Plus, it doesn't hurt that I just rearranged my closet and found it SERIOUSLY lacking. But, alas, not making money makes me not want to spend money. Do you know what I mean? I just feel like it is selfish, or something. IDK.
I know I don't look like it but, shopping used to be a HUGE part of my life. So much so that I would go into shops and be bored because, after all, I was JUST there and there would be NOTHING new on the shelves. How totally spoiled is that? Now, I wouldn't even be able to tell you what was in. Seriously! It makes me blue. But, it is all material after all, right? (That wasn't a play-on-words, btw.)
I know there are more important things to be doing and spending money on. I have been trying to focus on this more and more. I try to let this be enough. But, now that I am taking care of myself (I have lost 20lbs!). I want to show it off!! LOL I want to feel sexy and I want to LOVE the way I look, like I used to. In fact, I would love to be pregnant again just so I could have new clothes to wear (the maternity clothes I have are pretty fabulous, thanks to the cumulative styles of my sisters and myself). But, that will come in time.
I think what would solve my issue is to get a really fabulous pattern (think simple dress) and make a few of them in different colors. Then when they are all done, I could embellish them in different ways. Maybe add bits of lace to one. Buttons placed in cute patterns or placed in working fashion somewhere in the design could also work. I could also embroider some pretty awesome things on them. Or make cute machine embroidery patterns throughout. As you can see, the possibilities are endless. AND, it would all be unique and time consuming, lol. Which is always a good thing. (<--Wow, look Martha just showed up!)

In appreciation of my husband!

     Matt won Trainer of the Year, last Friday. I knew all about it and made him a Tres Leche cake and invited his parents out for dinner (but, they wouldn't let us pay-I felt a bit like a loser :( but, they insisted!). It was really fun. I am a big stickler for doing things big. I don't think any accomplishment should go without reward (big or small- the accomplishment, not the award!). So, to make my man feel special I baked and we went out to dinner. I am so proud of him, although, I suspect, I don't brag about him or tell him enough. All men need to know that they are loved, appreciated and well, needed! I love my husband!
     We are made for each other too. We complement each other quite well. We are, however, opposites in a lot of things too. Which, of course, makes us stronger so we can support each other. For example, he is strong in almost every aspect of his life. He knows what he wants and goes and gets/does it. Once he makes a decision, his mind is made up. He is very frugal (which is a good thing when I am not!). He likes what he likes. He is very open to people and they LOVE him for it (as in, people immediately become his friends and stick around). He has an incredible work ethic. He will do things because they need to be done, not just because he likes it. He is a wonderful father (this, of course, is not an opposite thing). Anyway, you can see that he is wonderful.
     He is strong when I am weak. I can depend on him like no one else I have ever met. I can talk to him and he sets my wishy-washiness on a clear and defined path. He supports my (our) decision to stay-at-home and raise our child (children *fingers crossed*). He loves me and, truly, that is enough!

(:    Congratulations, Hun! We love you and are VERY proud of you!    :)

What we have been doing:

I've been busy lately. On a LOT of different levels. School is in the works (as in, I am going back, REALLY, I am!). Kaine is starting school again in September (3 days a week this time). We are going to stop watching other kids (because I do now, we just can't work out the watch kids and go to school schedule). Matt is working his butt off but, not as much as he was (thank goodness). We just got back from Kentucky to visit Matt's family and it was really pleasant (except not really the 10 hour drive - both ways!). I have been on detox and have seen significant improvement in weight loss and my bleeding has completely stopped (!!!). We are trying to conceive (again!- I am finally ready to try again). Matt's birthday is also coming up at the end of August (not to mention that Lilly just turned 5 and Mom just had a birthday too- Lots of birthday's in this family!).
In fact, the birthday thing is crazy! Look at this:

January- no one
February- Grace
March- Jared
April- Mickey
May- Brent, Kaine,  Big Elliott (Poppa) and Kristen
June- Lilly, Allana, George, Savannah and George Sr.
(Mom and George's Anniversary too)
July- Mom
August- Matt
September- Landon
October- Jordan, Douglas
November- Haley, Me, Grandma and Dad
December- Melissa, Patty, Kaylen
*and I can't remember when Little Elliot's birthday is but, I think it is in the spring. Also, I am sure I am leaving some people out too. Anyway, summer is crazy birthday months!

Anyway, Kaine is fully potty trained now too. It took forever! He was pretty good about going pee but, didn't always want to. He seemed to just want to do it off and on. Then he was going all the time (like every 10-15 minutes). We had to still keep pull-ups on him though, because he refused to poop in the potty. It was crazy and frustrating! We pretty much made him sit on the potty until he went because he knew when he had to go but, he would run away and hide so he wouldn't have to sit. (He also had a HUGE rejection of public toilets- I think it was a noise thing- they flush really loud and he HATED to be in there when the potties were making noise.) One day, he just decided he was going to start and use the potty and we haven't looked back since. He was, for a bit, wearing things for bed but, he seemed to be holding it pretty well and we decided to just go cold turkey. So, we took them off, let him go to the potty before bed and waited to see what happened. He had a few accidents but, nothing terrible. Once he got through nap time completely dry we knew he was going to be fine at bedtime too. Then, like I said, there was no looking back. He is very good now and can completely use the potty by himself (we do need to work on him pulling his pants up, however!). So, yay for big boys! (But I seriously don't want to think about the next one!)

Future Baby Names - Girl

     I have been thinking -a lot- lately about baby names. I have decided that Evangeline will be the next name that we use - providing, of course, that we have a girl. I want the next baby to have a name that means something. That truly is beautiful. That shows how much that baby was/is wanted. Names, in my opinion, should mean something. (Kaine, by the way, is named after his paternal grandfather - Braxton Kaine Mallard - his grandfather was Robert Braxton Mallard).
     Evangeline means "good news; bearer of good news" (from this site). Also, "like an angel" (from this site) . This too, "coined from the Latin evangelium [meaning] good news (the gospel)" (from this site ). How about "messenger of good news" (from this site).  It is also a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, titled Evangeline and written in 1848.
   The feelings that the name evokes are exactly what I want. It truly would be "good news" to find out that I am pregnant. If the baby makes it the whole pregnancy she will be the "messenger of good  news" or the "bearer of good news". I can't seem to think of any better name than that!  
   I have been wondering if God was going to send me a name. I have heard many people pray about the names that they give their children and God answers. It has been on my mind, for a while, that Evangeline was a pretty name. Something - or Someone - prompted me to look up the meaning. As soon as I found out what it meant, it was like a light bulb flashed on. I am almost hoping we do have a girl at one point just so I can use it! (By the way, my companion name, if we are to ever have a twin, and a boy too (!), would be Eli. I am going to have to look that up and see what it means!)

Updates: Loren & Kaine

     I am still having bleeding problems. I started progesterone about 2 weeks ago. I have come to realize, however, that I am not getting enough. So, I have started a regimen to stop the bleeding (initially) and then to initiate a regular cycle (eventually). The idea is to get the bleeding to stop altogether and then make a predictable cycle (like those of you who are blessed with a normal period cycle). The good thing about this is, I will know-without a doubt- when I am ovulating  and when and if I got pregnant. I know I ovulate, and when my period does decide to be sort of regular, I can figure out the day I am fertile. However, I don't always have this benefit. I never know if the cycle is going to happen, when it will happen and for how long it will happen. I would love (!) to know this information. So, that is where the progesterone comes in.
     So, for about the next 1-3 months this will be my daily routine (you don't really know what dose will work for you so you have to start at 400mg/day and increase it to 600mg/day gradually): every hour, starting at 9:30am I will alternate dosing, starting at 40mg, then 20mg, then 40mg and so on until 9:30pm. That will be 400mg/day, and I am going to do this for a week and see what happens. If the bleeding doesn't change, decrease or stop then I will up the dose until one of these things happen. Once I find the dose that stops the bleeding I will slowly decrease it to see which does causes the bleeding to start again. In this manner, I will find out what dose my body needs. Then I will do two weeks on and two weeks off at that dose. This will help my body to regulate its self. It will also allow my body to ovulate naturally and naturally bring on a period. Therefore, letting me get a regular cycle that is predictable.

     In other news, I am currently on a diet to lose weight. I like that I am doing this with the progesterone therapy because, hopefully, they will both reach normal at the same time. The plan is to lose the weight and regulate my system at the same time in order to achieve pregnancy at the optimal time. Of course, no time limit is really going to help, I will just have to wait and see how all things play out.
     I am also currently trying to get everything together to go back to school. I went and saw an adviser yesterday and everything academically is set and ready to go. Financially, paperwork has to be done. I am currently waiting on my pin number in order to access my past financial aid papers so I can give them proof of payment. Once all this is sorted out and my letter comes through, I will be able to register for classes. I have three more general classes to take and then I am onto my core requirements. But, I can also do them at the same time. Once this part is done, I move onto my bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. It may take me a while but, I am not worried about that. After all, it has taken me this long already, right?

     Kaine is doing well. He seems not to want to take naps lately, however. I am not sure if he just isn't getting enough action during the day or what. I have noticed that Kaine not getting a nap has improved his nighttime sleep. He goes to sleep faster (instead of taking 2+ hours to go down) and either sleeps through the night or gets up later. I have to say, it is about time! I truly wish this is here to stay. So, just in case, I have made him have "movie hour" during the afternoon. He is not able to get up and has to watch the whole movie before his rest is over. He seems to like this just fine. We have cut out an electrical entertainment after dinner too. Which really seems to help him calm down or get out extra energy before bed (we have been playing games or sports). So, I am hoping that he starts to sleep, more consistently, through the night. As soon as school starts again, poor Kaine will definitely have to keep up his naps, he gets SOOO tired! But, maybe this routine will get him used to staying asleep at night, therefore improving everyone's sleep. 
    

Cleaning Up My Body

I have decided to detox. Today is day one. It is suppose to be a 4-week plan. Each week focuses on a different part of the body. This week is the kidneys and the intestines. Lot's of fruits, juices (freshly juiced in my awesome juicer that my mom gave us when Kaine was born-so I could make him healthy foods!), veggies, cranberry juice (highly diluted-thank goodness, that stuff is expensive!), and lot's and lots of water.
I am doing detox to jump-start my weight loss. I have really been trying to find the perfect plan for us (because, we basically ALL have to be on a diet for it to work for me! lol). It has been hard and I haven't been able to stick with ANY of them. But, this is affordable and easily attainable, because I am not eating much.
Here is a break down of a "normal" Phase 1 day:

• Warm water with lemon, upon rising
• Skin brushing (to help with lymph pick-up and circulation)
• 30 minute brisk walk
• Cranberry juice and water (1:4) with psyllium husks
• Apple (for the pectin)
• Water throughout the day
• Fruit all morning
• Large salad for lunch
• Wait 2-3 hours before eating again
• Eat more fruit if hungry
• Large salad and vegetarian meal for dinner

Each week you add something more to this plan. Basically, this plan allows your body to rest. Which, honestly, I think it will be a sigh of relief for my body. Especially since it is still acting up. I really hope this helps regulate my hormones and menstrual cycle too. I want a baby! Nothing worth having is ever easy to come by, right? So, the hard work starts here. It is time that I take getting this weight off seriously and seriously start to look to the future. I am very hopeful, even if this adventure doesn't result in a baby. I REALLY do need to lose weight, no matter what. My future will look much better (for all of us) if I was 40-50lbs lighter. That is not just about vanity either, being lighter will give me much more energy, stamina and the will to get things done! If a baby happens to come along too, that is great. But, we aren't trying right now. The weight comes first and then, in a few months, we will start to try again.

Oh, and also, I have started on my progesterone regime. I am not sure if I have talked about this or not. I have been reading, reading, reading, and reading about how to get my body into a good childbearing situation. But, you know you can't get pregnant if you never stop bleeding in the first place! So, what to do, what to do? That has been my constant question. So, I found a fabulous website that walks you through everything. Here is the link: Natural Fertility Information. It is very informative. If you are really interested in the progesterone thing here is the link to that: Progesterone Fertility Guide. I am just using it to regulate my cycle and get the bleeding to stop. I am now going on six weeks of bleeding because my body is just making a really thick lining and it isn't able to shed it appropriately. So, the progesterone is going to level everything out. And, it has considerably lessened my bleeding. I also barely have any clots. A BIG - HUGE improvement to what it was! Plus, it has only been one week. I can't wait to see what happens when this stuff starts to build up in my system. I might be a completely new woman! *Here's to hoping!* So, day one and week one have been successful. I hope it stays like this! :)

Healing wounds

I am starting to think that there really is something to the "it is really meant to be" phrase. If it is meant to be it will be. I have long been an advocate for this phrase.

I always thought, as  I am sure all women and young girls do, that if you have unprotected sex YOU WILL GET PREGNANT! Not so. Apparently it is really hard to get pregnant, even for those of us that don't actually have problems. Apparently, you are only fertile, at best, 2-3 days a month. That's it! No, I had unprotected sex and then my period started, Thank God! moments. No, oh boy I hope I didn't just walk into something that I am not sure I can handle. Nope, you have a small and VERY precise window. Add any type of problem to this, and your window is even smaller or nil. Nonexistent. So, what do you do?

In my case, I always knew it was going to be hard for me. I have even heard the whole, "if you can get pregnant you may not be able to keep it" line. Now, I know that is true. However, I refuse to let that define me. I will no longer be "the one who can't get pregnant". I already have, after all. Kaine was meant to be, the others weren't. I no longer have the fear of "what if I can't?!". I KNOW I can. One of these days God will send me a baby. One of these days our baby will be here. I am not sure what path that baby may have to travel but, God does. God is in control of our lives and we will be alright.

I am starting detox in two weeks to prepare my body for a starting over phase, if you will. I need to know that I did everything right this time around. I am also going to start progesterone cream and vitex to regulate my hormones (I am estrogen dominate). I am hoping this is going to jump start my system and be able to carry me all the way through a successful pregnancy! :)

I have a grown up living room

It seems that we finally got this place in some sort of shape. There is still A LOT to do, on the organization of closets and our room side of things, but it is, at least now, getting done. We painted this weekend. The living room, hall and kitchen all got a nice warm coat of lovely paint on them. We decided that the other rooms were going to have to wait. Especially since the other rooms were junky holding things from the rooms that we were painting. I really felt like setting such a lofty goal would set us up for bad moods and things being left undone or half done also. I didn't want to go there. We accomplished our goal, I am happy about that. I was even able to hang pictures, paint the trim and baseboards, stain Kaine's table and chairs, buy and hang curtains too. It feels so nice to walk into a room that actually looks like you live in it!

I must say here, that I got a STEAL on the curtains too! They are Martha Stewart and if you know anything about Ms. Martha Stewart you know she doesn't do "cheap". Which, I must say, is mostly to here credit. These are BY FAR the nicest curtains/fabric I have ever owned. Oh yes my friends, I have felt and longed for fabric like this my whole life! It is pure luxury. The way that I got them, you ask? If you don't know, most of Ms. Stewart's things are super expensive. With no exception to curtain panels. These particular panels happened to be marked for clearance at the local Home Depot for (rounding up) $12 a panel. Pretty reasonable, in my book (especially if you count the extra nice fabric!). So, I bought them. Here is a wonderful picture and price tag for you to look at to see how much of a deal these were! Pretty nice, right? So, my living room actually looks like a room I did on purpose, instead of a room that a college dorm dumpster or thrift store threw up in. Yeah, it's pretty nice.

The saga

I haven't really had anything interesting to say lately, except rants. I really don't want to make this blog an "angry" one. I do like to come here to complain about stuff, just to get it out and so I can move past it. However, I don't want it to be ALL about that.

However, there have been many things bothering me lately. I am just not sure I am ready to talk about them yet. Especially this one thing, involving a certain "couple" that really seems bizarre. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. In fact, I totally see myself avoiding the WHOLE thing. It REALLY makes me uncomfortable and I REALLY, REALLY don't know why. I am not one to ignore those feelings, I just don't know what to do about it. It shouldn't even be this big of a deal. I guess that is why I feel I can't figure it out. Ok, I guess I should just go ahead and tell you the story. Maybe writing it out will make it go away (or lessen the affects it is having on me!).

Matt's brother is getting married. No big deal, right? Why is it making my stomach turn at the mere mention on this happy occasion? He "proposed" to her after ONLY 5 weeks of knowing/dating her. (I say "proposed" because I have YET to be told of a proposal story or SEEN a ring!) Who does that? Yeah, yeah, I get the whole "we are in love and you JUST KNOW" crap. (I really don't think it is crap, because I "just knew" with Matt really early too, but come on!)

Anyway, the issue is this: he keeps dating THE SAME GIRL. I am not just talking about them having similarities, I am talking about it going like this:
Oh, she is nice.
Oh, she seems sweet.
Oh, she has sort of a past.
Oh, she may actually be skanky.
Oh, she is crazy.
Oh, she really, really, really, is crazy.

And the relationship goes like this:
I just got out of a bad relationship.
Oh, I am dating someone again (way too soon).
I REALLY love her!
She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!
Oh, we broke up because I didn't like her past.
Oh, we are back together again.
Oh, we broke up again because she has a drinking problem (insert problem where "drinking" is).
We really love each other.
Want to move in?
All is well and we "may be" getting married.
We are breaking up.
We are back together again (this is the point where everyone in the family just wishes they would work their shit out already and either move on or stay together).
We really are broken up and are NEVER getting back together again!
Repeat.

The bad thing is, this process is dragged out over years. YEARS! The first one was about 3 years. The next one was about 3-3 and a half years. They were pretty much back-to-back. I know it is his life but, it affects mine too! Especially now, since I have a child who still asks about "where the other one is".

I am really uncomfortable with this whole situation. I don't agree with it. I think he rushes way to fast and furious toward something that, plainly, just takes time! He wants it all and he wants it NOW! I don't want my son falling for someone else just to see them walk away (or be thrown out) of his life again. But, it really isn't about that either. I just think Matt's brother is displaying some serious self destructive behavior and, frankly, I am NOT okay with that!

Isn't it weird that it bothers me so much? I guess because I feel like pieces of the puzzle just DON'T make since. Why so sudden? Why her? Is this really something you should enter into so lightly (marriage I mean)? I don't know what to think!

Breaking News...

I have been thinking about doing something drastic (I am not so sure that is the best word) for a while now. At least, most people would think it is drastic. Here is a little background:

My ambitions as a child: To be a Nun or a Missionary
My ambitions as a teenager: To join the Peace Corp
My ambitions as a young college student: To be a nurse
My ambitions as a young mom: To make sure my kids are well taken care of (no sacrifice is too much)

Are you seeing a theme here? I have ALWAYS wanted to be in a position of "helper to those who need it". My path has been long and very confused. I have done some things that just plain don't make any sense at all. All of it has taught me and led me to my next decision.

This may sound corny but, I was watching OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) tonight. Oprah was talking about her life's journey. She kept saying, "I don't believe in luck", "Luck is when preparation meets opportunity", something I have always felt. So, needless to say, I was listening. She then went on to talk about how she knew she was doing what she was intended to do. Yes, she made mistakes. Yes, there were hard times to overcome (her past would make anyone want to roll over and die, poor girl!). But, she knew she had a purpose. She could hear "whispers" of what she was suppose to be doing. (That sounds crazy, I just can't put it as eloquently as she did. Use the word "nudges", if you prefer.) It just started to click for me.

I feel that God has recently laid something on my heart. I am terrified to accept it. I have talked it over with Matt and I know he is scared too but, open to the possibility. We just want to feel a little bit more "settled". I just don't know anymore. I think God opens you up to opportunities when you are actually ready for them. Not when your "housing situation" or "financial situation" is optimum. (None of which are terrible, unless you consider not having debt and not actually owning a house, a bad thing!) Yes, I would like to have a house of my own. However, this is something we can do NOW. We don't need to wait. I am just tired of telling God that I will "go where He sends me" and then letting the call go to the answering machine, if you know what I mean. Will He stop calling me?

My passion is children. I wish to teach one of these days. (A decision that didn't come lightly. And, won't come easily.) I have always said, "I have missed my calling"; I am suppose to be a nanny. Well, what is this new revelation you ask? I want to be a Foster Parent. Not really, I have never really wanted to be a Foster Parent. The idea scares me to death! But, I feel called to be a Foster Parent. Being called is more like a need. You know what I mean? You may not want it. You are probably scared out of your socks at the prospect of taking this challenge on. But you just have to!! Am I making sense? Look at it this way:
Have you ever seen anyone being treated unfairly? Unjust? Abused? Would you walk on by? Or, even with your fear, would you get involved? No, you don't want to make the situation worse. No, you don't want to be physically, mentally or emotionally hurt. But, you are compelled to act. THAT, my friends, is what I am talking about.

Doing the right thing. It's not always easy. Most of the time it is hard. But, if you let it, you will come out the better person. You change to accommodate. I have always felt like I was meant for better and greater things. No, I don't want to be rich or famous. But, I do feel like I could be doing more to change the world we live in. I am tired of just sitting around and waiting for the need to come to me. I am going to reach out and give of myself. I will give what I have to offer, hopefully it will be just what is needed.

New Situations

I started a new job, sort of. I am helping out a friend who needed some good childcare. I just told her to give me whatever she has laying around, for payment. I don't really want payment, it just sounded like she would feel better about paying me. I love having the kids around. They are a great way to have something to do, you know, when I would normally not be doing anything! Rowan is fabulous for Kaine and, I suspect, Kaine for Rowan. They are still working out the whole, "hey this is mine" thing but, you know, being two and three there will be some problems. lol. The baby, Liam, is a doll! He is, of course, good for me. (Even though, he seems to be good for Kaine too, getting used to babies and all! Some jealousy issues have shown up. Such as this: "Mommy, can you hold me? Just for a little bit?") So, it is good to have new little ones in the house.

One of the things that have been going through my mind lately, is this: "Man, I wish I had more kids!" "This is fun!" So, needless to say, I don't think the next "children" will be that far apart in age. I like having little ones to make my days busy and more full. I feel like I have a purpose and something to look forward to. Not to mention, that my "get up and clean the house!" gene has kicked into overdrive! YAY! I was seriously looking for something to inspire me to get my house organized and to KEEP IT CLEAN! I'm not so good at the cleaning, organizing and "oh, your hungry? guess I can make you some dinner!" lol (actually, I am not that bad at making dinner!). With the new additions, I am able to inspire myself to pick up, sweep and generally keep things in the "clean zone". It has been fabulous.

Things have also been falling into place financially. We are in a good place. We are able to pay our bills, buy groceries, buy gas, and keep a roof over our heads. The only thing we need to work on now is our savings. We aren't quite there yet. Although we aren't living paycheck-to-paycheck anymore (Thank you God!), the savings haven't really started yet. The biggest reason for this is, we keep "finding" new things to do with our "extra" money. (We went to Disney last month! We have also been going on tons of trips lately. So much so, that I am/was ready for a break!) So, we will have to start figuring out the other part of being responsible, putting money away for a rainy day. I think we are ready!

Along these same lines, my financial aide from my confusing and crazy college days have been paid off. Thanks to our IRS return. The good news about this? (Other than the obvious!) Is that now, I am eligible for more aid. I know, sounds backward right? But, I can't finish my degree without aid. AND, now that I know, the hard way, what NOT to do, I am ready to take on college again! I just filled out the FAFSA and hope to hear some positive news by the end of this week. I am really and truly ready to go back. I am way more mature than I was just out of high school. I now see an actual purpose in having a degree. Also, I have truly figured out what, in life, I am good at. I know where I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I had NO idea before! That is why the running joke in my family was, "What are you majoring in this week?" Trust me, I had no clue. I really wanted to look into everything and, generally, I did. (I really don't know why I need to do EVERYTHING the hard way! Just stubborn, I guess.) So, I have started the journey back into college life. It scares me but, it is mostly exciting. I have a clearer view of what to expect and what is expected of me. I know, in reality, what I will have to do to succeed. I am ready!

Many good changes... :)

Success

Today Kaine and I went out shopping around for birthday stuff. I know that we went to Disney for his 3rd birthday however, I feel that everyone should at least have a birthday cake on their birthdays. So, we went to Publix, Sam's Club and the Party Store. We ordered a bumble bee finger-roo cake. I was trying to find a link to a picture for this but, apparently they are new and aren't even on the website yet. But, they are super cute. Kaine picked out the bumble bee one. (They also a have: monkey, frog, lady bug, dinosaur, puppy and some other ones I can't remember!) It was only $10 too, total score!! Then we went to Sam's Club. I saw on their website that they had, what they call a 5" cake with 10 cupcakes. You can go here and check out their cake catalog and search until you find the "Cars" cake (minus red icing and chocolate cake b.c., "kids can be allergic", according to the cake lady, lol!). That also was around $10 (a little over like, $.39)! So, two cakes for $21! Woo hoo! Plus, Kaine picked them out, so no disappointments. When we went to the party store I wasn't really sure what we were looking for. We walked around and decided on a really cool "canopy" birthday hanger (that I plan to put over his small table as a decoration). He also picked out some Hot Wheels bouncy balls and purple paper plates).

Also, the biggest success of the day was that we left the house with Kaine in underwear. Not normally such a big deal (he can go to preschool and make it from 7:30 am to 1pm in underwear with no accidents). I have NEVER tried to take him anywhere without pull-ups on. Well, the one time I did I ended up changing him because he peed while sitting in his car seat. This was the outcome of Kaine refusing, absolutely refusing, to use a public toilet! So, we haven't been out without pull-ups. In fact, most of the time that he spends in the house, he is wearing pull-ups too (we still haven't figured out a way to help or make him go poo in the potty). So, today was a serious surprise. I even tried to talk him into changing into a pull-up halfway through our shopping trip (which was not limited on the liquid intake!)- no dice. He just wanted to wear his undies. I must say he did impressively well! I kept asking him if he had to go. At one point I had him in the back of the Jeep, McDonald's empty cup in hand, trying to convince Kaine that he could pee in it therefore, making sure there was no chance of accidents! (I did mention that he won't use a public toilet right?) He made it through three stores and a McDonald's (we went inside to eat!) stop all without peeing! I am super impressed. That is complete success. So, we came home and he peed in his potty then went and took a nap. What is going on? I don't know but, I hope it continues! LOL

King Kaine

Kaine is such a wonderful kid. He really is. Do you hear the "but" coming on? I don't know who invented the term "terrible twos". I have enjoyed the "twos" very much, thank you. However, on the butt end of the "twos" and the budding of the "threes" there have been some issues. Things I love about this age:

• He is becoming more independent
• He likes to do things "by myself"
• He can follow commands with more than one request in them
• He plays wonderfully by himself
• He likes to invent things
• He is very creative
• He can entertain himself, until he needs to reach something high up
• He can feed himself
• He, for the most part, is out of diapers (pull-ups are still in play)
• He is able to show his love (hugs, kisses, saying "I love you")
• He tells wonderful stories
• He is funny

Things I do not like about this age:

• He likes to do things "by himself"
• He can follow commands with more than one request in them but, often "chooses" not to
• He gets more time outs 
• He can be creative which, leads to bigger messes
• He likes the word, "no"
• He likes the words, "no way"
• He often has to be asked to do things more than once
• He doesn't like to eat
• He doesn't like to sit at the table at meal times
• He doesn't like naps
• He doesn't like taking showers
• He doesn't like going to bed
• He often wants to do the opposite of what you want to do
• He often refuses to use the potty
• He likes that stupid word, "no"

So, terrible twos? I don't think so! I hope this age will, indeed, not be so terrible. I have heard people refer to it as the "terrific twos". Maybe I should make my saying the "terrific threes"? It doesn't have such a nice ring to it though. Oh well.
Kaine is still great. He is "the love that I never thought I could give". Which is no small compliment. He has made me a better person. He has also made me a better wife. And, although Matt and I don't always see eye-to-eye when raising him, we are better for having him. We are all closer because Kaine exists! That is the biggest blessing he has brought into our lives. 

Miscarriage

At ten weeks even, I started to spot. Nothing, at all, major. It was this little, slight, questionably faint, pink streak. I had been feeling rather period-y all week. My exact quote to Matt was, "If I didn't know any better, I would think that I am about to have a period". Well...if you ever feel like that when pregnant, it may not be a good thing. Surprisingly, I am not all that shocked that this has happened. I did have a good cry about it (when something else set me off). I haven't exactly felt "right" about this pregnancy from the beginning. I felt like it was "off". I don't know why. Except, maybe I do now? I don't know. So, this isn't really going to be a sad tale, per se.

Saturday morning brought more blood. I showed Matt on the toilet paper that I had just used. It was like the beginning of a period; you can feel it coming so you rush to the bathroom. It didn't get worse all day. I was on bed rest until the bleeding stopped. I took some tinctures to help stop a miscarriage but, it didn't seem to help with the bleeding much. The cramps went away. We thought that we were going to be able to save this pregnancy after all.

Sunday was Easter. I put off going to my Mom's or telling her anything about us traveling until I was certain the bleeding wasn't any worse. Which it wasn't. The blood was the same consistency and was even getting a little bit darker. I tried to stay off my feet the whole day and still enjoy myself.

Monday brought little change. Although I could tell the cramps and back discomfort I am prone to was a little worse. I just attributed this to Kaine taking up almost ALL of the space on my side of the bed the night before. I was able to talk to some midwives at the Birth Center. Sarah and I had a long conversation on the phone that morning. She said that they don't usually take people this late and because I would be considered VBAC I would still have to find another provider. But she was, in the end, willing to offer initial prenatal visits until I found a provider, which was nice. She said that it could be many things. All of which made sense. She said that I could have a low-lying placenta which was causing the bleeding but, not to worry, they usually travel upwards by twenty weeks. Research confirmed this. Another suggestion was a vitamin deficiency and, if you have been following this for a while, you would know that my body has issues with vitamin b-12 and D. So, I thought, for sure that this is what I was experiencing. I up'd my vitamin intake accordingly and through Sarah's suggestion. She also stated that if this was a miscarriage, I would soon know. Things would progressively get worse until "the contents of my uterus were emptied". (Don't worry, she prefaced this with, "I know this is hard to hear".)

Monday night. Things were not getting better. Cramps were more regular and there was more blood. I would say, by now, I was in a state of "this is happening, let's get it over with". (I know that sounds cold but, I knew with the first red blood that there was nothing that could be done. Anything I could have done, I was doing.) Things went smoothly and it wasn't as bad as I thought.

Tuesday morning brought what I knew to be true. Blood clots or tissue. At this stage the baby usually looks like a little being. However, and fortunately, it was nothing like that. It was just clot like tissue, clearly indicating that nothing was there. It gave me peace to know that it was happening for a reason and not for something that could have been helped. I am in a good place and know that this was something that was meant to teach me faith. I had great faith through out this ordeal. I knew God was not abandoning me. Yes, it was something that I didn't want. Yes, it was something that was sad. I am just glad it didn't go any farther. I think, honestly, that I wasn't yet attached to the idea of being pregnant but, I was getting used to it. This helped to guard my feelings and to help me deal with the loss. I hope I don't sound cold or unfeeling because, it was/is sad. I just don't want to dwell on it. I want to move on.

Thanks for all of the support through out this whole journey to pregnancy. We have decided to not try again. At least, for a while. I just can't take anymore disappointment. There have been too many months in a row that just haven't worked out. I need some time to wrap my head around this situation and deal with other life issues. So, babies, hopefully, are still in my future, just not in the near future.

Scratch That

I can't sleep. Then again, I am tired all the time! So, scratch the claim from before about not being as tired as early as the previous pregnancy. I am nine weeks and I am usually up at 2 am, like tonight (this morning?). Last night I didn't sleep at all. I was fortunate enough to have a husband that let me sleep in on Sunday (because Saturday brought another no sleep night) that I slept until 2pm. And yes, we meant to go to church. I REALLY just couldn't even move when he tried to wake me up. I thought I might be sick. That is how I felt ALL day today too. Thank goodness Kaine had school this morning, I don't think I would have made  it. On top of that, I think Kaine was sensing something, today was one of his worst days in a LONG time. It was like he was really tired too. Poor guy.

As for all of the other symptoms (nausea and what-not) I don't have them anymore. I do still feel strangely not really hungry. Or, rather, I want A LOT of junk food and ONLY junk food, if you please. But, I know that is a sign of not getting enough calories and protein and possibly, minerals. *Sigh* I am trying to make an effort to eat more fruits and veggies, to up my nutrients. Plus, I know the baby needs more than salt, water, Sprite with extra lime and slushies. What kind of weird-o cravings are those? I am chalking it up to the fact that it is hotter sooner and my body is just trying to prepare. Salt, for one thing, helps build up your blood volume, as does water. Cravings for sugar are a sign that your body wants protein. You should have seen me at four weeks. I was literally eating sea salt out of my container. Literally. But, I knew it was for a good cause. So, here is  to actually listening to my body, however weird it might sound to some! :)

In other news, we are going to Disney. Very soon. Like, for example, in T minus nine days and counting. I. Am. So. Excited!!! You really have no idea. No. Idea. And, of course, I am trying to be all laid back about the planning and stuff but, all I want to do is check out the websites and cry (yes, hormonally cry with excitement and anticipation-oh pregnancy!) because I just can't wait! I am really hoping that Kaine likes it. I keep telling him that we are going. We have been watching Disney Junior lately and they have this intermission thing (you know between shows) that kinda represents the electric light parade at Disney and he gets REALLY excited about that. Plus, I keep telling him that we are going to go and see the castle that comes on right before the Disney movies start to play (you know the one I mean). Not to mention that Tinker Bell will be there. Oh yes, he is more excited about Miss Tink than you could imagine and I think it is the most darling (yes, darling) thing I have EVER seen! Can you feel my excitement!!?? So, here is the game plan:

We are going to be leaving on Thursday, after Matt gets off work. Friday will bring all day excitement at the Magic Kingdom (Matt, Kaine and I). I am planning to really utilize their baby center buildings for nap time! (Which will just be a "rest" time.) Most. Awesome. Building. At. Disney. EVER. Not kidding! (Seriously, just did spell checker on this and it suggested childing? Pretty sure that is not a word! In fact, it is flagging it now!) Anyway. Saturday will bring all day excitement for Animal Kingdom (one of the best zoo's I have EVER been to). (Matt, Kaine, Me, the in-laws and Matt's brother and girlfriend). Can I pause again, right here and mention that I did not really intend to invite that many people. I must confess that my excitement ran away with me. It really did. I don't think I can truly be blamed for this. It was like I couldn't control myself from saying, "You wanna come?". Can I plead temporary insanity? Besides, our group has gotten smaller anyway. Mom, George, Jordan and Grace were suppose to go. Mom had to back out because business is booming (yea!) and she just didn't feel like she should give up jobs (now that they are literally pouring in!). Who can blame her? Not me, that's for sure!! AND, I didn't invite Matt's brother and girlfriend. I'm just saying. OK. Sunday is going to bring all day excitement at Epcot. I know it really is for more of the "older crowd" of Disney explorers. But, Matt and his family have NEVER gone! Are you shocked? I am. To me, it is astounding how many things they haven't done. Which, I know, makes me sound like a spoiled brat. So, you have to go to Disney and go to Epcot, you just have to! That's the plan. Without me trying to uber control it. I really just want to go with the flow and see where it leads us. But, of course, I want to do everything! My most important concerns:

Not to be held up. (Unfortunately, there are people in our party who just don't know how to be on time. Not naming names or anything.)
Having my own agenda not being messed with. After all, this is about Kaine. (There are people going with us who like to impose their will onto children who usually are just fine watching, thank you very much! I don't like Pushers!)
That the crowds not be so bad. (Matt just plain isn't good with crowds.)
That the heat not be to bad. (That is why morning is going to be the most important time for us to be up-and-Adam!-yes, I realize that isn't the phrase, that is just how I think of it!)
That we spend the majority of the morning (even if that means getting up at six! Yikes!) to explore all the parks. (See first parenthesis.)

I do feel, however that we are set up for a really good time. As long as we keep it relaxed and remember why we are there in the first place. I just hope it doesn't become another battle of control! Pray for me! Really.


BTW, do you ever feel like you are letting down Mark Twain because you use exclamation points? Or way too many of them (like I do)? Mark Twain quote: "One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke."
Or these guys: Exclamtion Point / Collective Inkwell

The way of life

I feel like I am trapped lately. I have no energy and God only knows how my moods will be. I have been trying to distance myself from people but, of course, that just makes the trapped feeling worse. I don't want to ruin any relationships but, I feel horrible! I have no idea how to make this better. AND the more I let things go, like cleaning the house because I have NO ENERGY the worse and worse and worse it gets. UGH! I hate this part. Can't I just sleep through it?

However, this is why I am thinking we are having a girl this time too. I didn't have moody mood swings when I was prego with Kaine. I felt like crying at sappy stupid stuff, like the Christmas commercial with the babies sleeping. But I didn't bite people's heads off just for walking across the room! Then, the guilt sets in, making me feel even more crappy. Because, what do you say to someone who just gets on your nerves for breathing?? I need a vacation, until I start to feel better. Or someone to just come over here and clean my house, organize it and tell me all is well! Wouldn't that be nice?

I think, ultimately, I am overwhelmed. I have no way of NOT feeling overwhelmed because, let's be honest, ever since we moved back I have been trying to get control of this place and I have NO help. It honestly seems like every time I get done cleaning one area two more areas are destroyed and I have to start all over again. This isn't really that much of a problem, you know, for the normal people out there. But for me, the super perfectionist (yes, I am, surprising I know) I have to get it all done and to high standards or NOTHING gets done. Do you see what I mean? I won't start something knowing that I will be interrupted (hello! I have a 3 year old!). I won't start something knowing I don't have a place for it. I won't start something knowing that I won't get finished. I won't start something knowing that it won't be done right the first time. So, things pile up. The more they pile up the more overwhelmed I feel. The more overwhelmed I feel the more things pile up. It's a vicious, vicious cycle!! Honestly, when it gets this bad, things start to go into the trash. I have made up my mind that I can't handle it therefore, I need to get rid of it. Not such a bad system really but, it is based on emotion and we all know how that turns out.

Announcing

Announcing that we are pregnant has got me really excited. I just can't seem to hold it in. I know I should be but, as it seems, my inability to keep a secret has started to show its ugly little head. We have wanted this for so long. Many people are walking this journey with us too. I have to admit, I am not very good at this. I have already told both my sisters, Cassie, my neighbor (who I don't even know) and my mom (because she suddenly said she wasn't going to Disney and it took all I could do to keep from bursting! BTW, she already knew. What is it about Mom's?). So, now we have Matt's family, my dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone else to tell. I do think that that is going to have to wait though. I want some sort of element of surprise, especially for my in-laws. Not really sure why, I just think they would appreciate it more. I am still thinking of getting Kaine a shirt that says "Big Brother".

In other pregnancy related news (yes, you are going to have to put up with this for the next nine months! lol) I think we are having a girl this time. I know I am only 7 weeks but, I have this strange feeling there is a girl in there. I felt completely fine with Kaine. In fact, didn't know I was pregnant (haven't I mentioned this before? lol). I never had any sort of morning or day/night sickness with him. I felt fine. Well, almost fine. I did have this weird "maybe I am coming down with something" feeling and horrible sinus pain (what is that about?). Other than that, nada! This time around I am REALLY cranky (so much so that that is an understatement!). I have actually felt sick, as in, "Oh no! I think I might puke!" (but, thank God, have not actually done so). Had food aversions- I don't feel like eating. I must say though, that the only improvement that I have seen is that I am not as sleepy as I was the first go-round. I can remember sitting on the couch and watching tv or something around 7 or 8 pm and literally falling dead asleep. Maybe it is because I am not working? Maybe it is because when I actually get tired I have the leisure of sitting down for a few minutes (hours, j/k) and recouping? All I know is, the insomnia has hit early! I remember having horrible insomnia during the last 2 months. I would go down and get up around 3 am (like now) and not be able to fall asleep again until anywhere between 5-7am. Then, of course, I would have to go into work and feel like crap all day! (This is probably why I passed out at 8 pm!!) Anyway, I am watching what is going on and trying to take cues from my body and follow them. So far, so good!

Oh, we already have baby names too: Twins*- Emma and Eli or for singletons just Emma or just Eli.

        *And yes, I am sure if you know me at all, you will know that twins are a passion of mine! I desire to have them more than anything else that I can imagine! I know, most people, like you, think I am crazy! Like I told Erin when she found out her first were two: "What a wonderful blessing! Just think how God must feel about you, to entrust you with two instead of one!" That is how I feel anyway. They would truly be a double blessing to this family!! (No, twins don't run in my family. I did read just the other day that that only counts for fraternal twins anyway. You can still have identical-the more rare kind-without any history of twinning going on! Cross your fingers :). )

6 Weeks

So far, so good. That is my motto, for the moment at least. I don't really know if my symptoms are any different or the same as last time, seeing as how I had no idea that I was even pregnant. Although, I really did want to be. Anyway, my symptoms seems to be much more heightened, especially when it comes to nausea. I had some headaches a few weeks ago but, honestly, that could have just been from the pollen count. So, now I am torn. I really think it sucks that I feel sick off and on. But, at the same time, I feel happy because my body is doing what it is suppose to be doing. I also have breast tenderness. Not nearly as bad as last time, when I thought I had a severe illness because I had major lymph pain under my arms and absolutely nothing could even breath on my breasts. It was horrible! This time around, I have swelling and pain but I can stand it. Maybe it is just because I know what is going on. Maybe it is just because I don't really need to go through that many changes this time around. I don't know, I just hope it doesn't get much worse.

Either way, I am glad that I am finally pregnant. I am ready to start showing and let everyone know about it! Speaking of letting everyone know, I think I have figured out a cute way to let them know. We are going to Disney the last weekend of April. This also happens to be Matt and I's 10 year anniversary (dating one but, to us, it counts!). We are going to go to dinner on our anniversary with everyone. I thought I would dress Kaine in a shirt that says, "Big Brother". Then we are going to wait and see if people notice what it says and then excitement will ensue. That is the plan anyway. And, if no one notices, then I will just point it out!

Four and a Half Weeks

Oh, yes! You read that right! Four and a half weeks along. That is where we are at now. We found out last night that I am indeed pregnant. No, not by some unreliable pee stick either. According to all of the "conventional" ways of normal-ville, I have to go about finding out in different forms. And, yes, I could just wait until I am showing and the quickening comes on but, I ask you, is that fair?? Ummm...no! This is one of the things that I am actually quite pissed that I am slighted in! I should not have to wait past a missed period (in Kaine's case TWO missed periods) to be able to actually believe that I am pregnant. Well, so how do we know, you are asking??  Chadwick's sign, that's how (mine is more of a purplish color, which is normal). Although this does not tell you how long you have been pregnant, it is a major sign that you are indeed pregnant. Because of the last months and how my body responds to the onset of menses, I was not letting myself believe that I am pregnant. I do have breast growth and darkening of the areolas too (but, as we have seen, I get this with PMS too). Chadwick's sign is no doubt how I will be finding out how I am pregnant from here on out. I refuse to wait until my 2nd trimester to confirm! I know, not fair that I don't have dead giveaway signs for pregnancy, right (vomiting)? Thank God too! I would have stopped at Kaine and that would have been absolutely it! UCK!

Oh, of course I was already expecting pregnancy. I don't know if I posted about this last time or not but, I had implantation bleeding on February 25th. This was about a week after my last period (which is normal for me, I ovulate right after my period, as far as I can tell). In fact, I ovulated so close to this period that I didn't even get a positive ovulation test last month because I tested the weekend after we had already achieved baby glory! It is funny how things work. In fact, I had sex that time because I felt like it and actually said to myself, "Let's just do this one for fun and worry about the baby stuff some other time!" Always, when you least expect, right?

So, yes, we are pregnant and very excited about the whole thing. BTW, if you see any of my family members, don't spoil the surprise!! We are going to Disney next month and I would like to tell them at dinner one night. Not to even mention, that I would like to be farther along, just in case, you know. Oh, we are due around December-ish.

Possibly Crying Wolf.

Everyone knows, who reads my blog and that I trust, that I am trying to get pregnant. I think I finally achieved this! Of course, my body is strange and is so far from normal, I will have to go to extremes to conventionally confirm this hypothesis. However, this is what I think.

My period week was February 12-17, 2011. On February 25th, I had spotting and some cramping. I was thinking I was starting to bleed again. It was a pretty noticeable amount but, not alarming at all. I have been waiting and charting to see what was going to happen. I have had a high cervix (with no movement, like last month when it kept yo-yo-ing between high and medium and resulting in a period) since the spotting. A few days after it happened and I had no other symptoms I assumed it could have been implantation bleeding. I was due to have another period (you know, in normal land) again around the 12th of March. Nothing has happened and I have been anxiously checking my cervix for clues of dropping to allow for menses. Nothing happened. I have also been taking pregnancy tests (and was REALLY put into a bad mood when the 12th resulted in a negative test!) but, as we all know, I have NO NO NO faith in pee tests.

So, I have started to allow myself to believe that this actually could be it. I have not believed it and when the thought has crept into my wee brain, I have pushed it violently out again. I DID NOT want to believe something that could end again. I wanted to wait for time to revel more to me. I have waited for a time that most would have confirmation granted to them -the onset of menses. I am going to try and wait another week and test, yet again, with another home pregnancy test. If I do not get medical confirmation, I will believe it until my body shows other signs. I am going to try and be even more patient and wait until two periods have passed (I have never missed two in a row, that I can count on. The first time this DID happen was when I was given many false negatives only to discover that I was indeed pregnant. My confirmation will surely show after this harsh wait). After this time I will go and get a blood test to confirm because the state of Florida requires medical confirmation of pregnancy for a birth certificate (something that is increasing in value these days).

That is the story thus far. I still wait, with much higher hopes than I was allowing myself within the torturous weeks that have passed. Hopefully, no more torture will come. Hopefully, good news will rain gently down upon our heads and soon!

Waiting...

Waiting sucks! I mean it, really, really, really, really....REALLY sucks! The worst part is, I am in the middle of my waiting period and won't know anything for at least two more weeks. That is IF my body decides to be normal.

In the mean time....Matt ran a 5K this weekend at Disney. It was the ESPN "The Weekend" run for something. I don't know what he placed. I don't know what time he got there. I don't know what time he got done. So, pretty much I am useless in the telling of the information of this event, if you wanna know! He said it was "alright". All I know is, he wore a kilt and some shoes that were killing his feet. He also did it for his client because, you know, he is good as a supporter! So, yay! for that.

Kaine is getting gigantic. They actually told me today, at school, that the pants I put on him were to tight (which there were NOT, thank you very much). They sent him home in size 6 (I had him in 4's). The reason? He apparently can't pull them up after he goes to the potty. Okay?? Have you seen that kids butt? I get that they have 8 other children in that class but, seriously? you can't help a kid out?? It just annoys me is all. They told me to go and get him bigger ones. Yeah! That ain't happening! LOL I just won't let him wear the offensive ones anymore. AND on top of that, as I put those pants on him this morning the thought ran across my brain, "Well, at least I managed to put on some pants that you will be able to put on and off". Which I NEVER do! Most of the pants/shorts he wears has buttons and zippers! I don't ever hear complaints about that. Weird, right?

More on waiting. I have decided that if I do not get a positive test result this go round, I am going to seriously start the getting in shape and losing 60+ pounds thing. (I don't really know if it is 60+, I'm just saying, it is a lot!) So, that is where my focus will lie for a while. I really and actually WANT to do it this time. NOT like me. I am going to start lifting weights because everything else bores me to tears. If I am pregnant the workout routine will be this:

• Walk at least 30 minutes a day (you know, on purpose)
• Yoga for pregnancy video
• Weight lifting (stuff I can do, like arms)
• Swimming

So, there will be plenty to keep me busy. I am really just tired of all of the nasty photos I have seen lately and I am done! with that phase, thank you VERY much!!!

So, I am confused again!

I am trying to get pregnant. If you even glance at my blog, you know this much. Lately I have been trying to figure out some sort of pattern to my body's natural cycle. What I have discovered so far is that normal has no place in my bodies rhyme or reason for doing anything. A friend suggested to me that I am highly prone to stress induces bleeding. I, at first, thought that was crazy (sorry friend). Now I am not so sure. My body has been giving me really weird signals lately. AND yes, I have been pretty stressed out lately. It really doesn't help that I see NO NO NO normality. AND the idea of me not ovulating is rearing it's ugly little head again. I thought that last month we had worked that question out (because I did ovulate). This month, however, I did not. I also seem to have really short cycles lately. I am hoping it is my body trying to get into a more normal like pattern. Seeing as how I usually have long cycles (month and a half long or more).

Basically, right now, I am really confused. I know all the signs of impending ovulation, what happens after ovulation and even what your body may be telling you when you are pregnant. But lately my body has been sending me mixed signals. For example, I should have ovulated this week. I have been taking the ovulation predictor kits for the last 3 days. All results have been negative, however, my cervical position is high and my cervical fluid is milky (which shows impending ovulation). However, I wake up this morning to an impending period (I am currently spotting). According to my charting this should be my most fertile day. I should not be bleeding, I should be ovulating. So, therefore, I conclude that my original thought (or feeling) that I only ovulate on one side, may actually be true. This isn't such a bad thing. Because, after all, I do ovulate, I just won't have as many chances of getting pregnant as most women do. Silver lining = there still is ovulation which could still equal pregnancy.

Either way, I think I am going to try and focus on other things. Maybe, like everything else seems to work out, the thing you want most will come when you aren't expecting it. Anyway, I am going to focus on weight loss and trying to learn to lift weights (because when you gain muscle it burns more energy at resting therefore, you burn more calories when you aren't doing anything!). I would just like to have some other shape than a tall oval! Ha ha!

Fun times are coming

I have decided not to be depressed anymore. I know, shocking! It is so easy for me to get depressed and wallow. I have decided to focus on the positive parts of my life and how much I AM blessed. Like the fact that I have one fabulous child and KNOW we got it right the first time, no matter what happens. And, yes, I mean no matter what. Plus, I really do have one kick-butt husband that would literally lay down and die for me, if only I would ask. So, THERE....lol.

Anyway, we are still trying to get settled in. I had a wonderful weekend. We all needed a break from each other! I was able to spend daylight hours on Saturday completely by myself! I really don't have a clue when the last time that was!?? It was so nice. I was able to renew my spirit, do whatever I want and get some stuff done! It was glorious. I made some curtains and ironed the fabric in front of the TV while watching Bewitched and I Dream of Jeanie on TV Land. Best day ever! Plus, I totally got two bonus dates over the weekend with my husband! That NEVER EVER happens. Two kid free dinners AND two movies! Much needed. BTW, Kaine was with Nanny and Poppa (Matt's Parents).

I am still trying to get this place in order, like I said. I am having issues with organization because, truthfully, there just isn't enough "places" to put things. Yes, I have been throwing things out too. But, here in weird Gainesville where you have to pay the city for your trash cans and for them to pick them up (way to much if you ask me!) we only have one tiny outside trash can and don't even bother putting more out that will fit in it! They won't even blink an eye at it! Not to mention that they are the most lazy garbage people I have ever seen. I mean, really!, you can't pick up the trash can yourself? Or! Bags on the ground?? WOW! Is all I have to say to that. Guess their union really is "working" for them! lol Lame. Anyway, sorry about THAT tangent! My point is, I can't get things done in a timely manner, it seems, because there are weird and unforeseen circumstances standing in my way. But, really, where am I suppose to put this stuff???

Kaine is doing well. Growing bigger than any child I have ever seen at this stage. I believe he is very close, if not already, at the four foot mark and weighs 47#, at two and a half. That's big! However, we always knew that at least one of our kids were (was? are?) going to pass us by. He loves school now too, which is a relief. No more tears! Except he does say most days, "Mommy you came back!" LOL. I think most of that is from the book "Llama, Llama, Misses Momma" where at the end that is the phrase that is uttered when his Momma comes to get him from school. It really is cute.  I am actually starting to worry about summer, I need to find us an activity - he gets so bored! But, that is for another day.