I feel like I am trapped lately. I have no energy and God only knows how my moods will be. I have been trying to distance myself from people but, of course, that just makes the trapped feeling worse. I don't want to ruin any relationships but, I feel horrible! I have no idea how to make this better. AND the more I let things go, like cleaning the house because I have NO ENERGY the worse and worse and worse it gets. UGH! I hate this part. Can't I just sleep through it?
However, this is why I am thinking we are having a girl this time too. I didn't have moody mood swings when I was prego with Kaine. I felt like crying at sappy stupid stuff, like the Christmas commercial with the babies sleeping. But I didn't bite people's heads off just for walking across the room! Then, the guilt sets in, making me feel even more crappy. Because, what do you say to someone who just gets on your nerves for breathing?? I need a vacation, until I start to feel better. Or someone to just come over here and clean my house, organize it and tell me all is well! Wouldn't that be nice?
I think, ultimately, I am overwhelmed. I have no way of NOT feeling overwhelmed because, let's be honest, ever since we moved back I have been trying to get control of this place and I have NO help. It honestly seems like every time I get done cleaning one area two more areas are destroyed and I have to start all over again. This isn't really that much of a problem, you know, for the normal people out there. But for me, the super perfectionist (yes, I am, surprising I know) I have to get it all done and to high standards or NOTHING gets done. Do you see what I mean? I won't start something knowing that I will be interrupted (hello! I have a 3 year old!). I won't start something knowing I don't have a place for it. I won't start something knowing that I won't get finished. I won't start something knowing that it won't be done right the first time. So, things pile up. The more they pile up the more overwhelmed I feel. The more overwhelmed I feel the more things pile up. It's a vicious, vicious cycle!! Honestly, when it gets this bad, things start to go into the trash. I have made up my mind that I can't handle it therefore, I need to get rid of it. Not such a bad system really but, it is based on emotion and we all know how that turns out.
However, this is why I am thinking we are having a girl this time too. I didn't have moody mood swings when I was prego with Kaine. I felt like crying at sappy stupid stuff, like the Christmas commercial with the babies sleeping. But I didn't bite people's heads off just for walking across the room! Then, the guilt sets in, making me feel even more crappy. Because, what do you say to someone who just gets on your nerves for breathing?? I need a vacation, until I start to feel better. Or someone to just come over here and clean my house, organize it and tell me all is well! Wouldn't that be nice?
I think, ultimately, I am overwhelmed. I have no way of NOT feeling overwhelmed because, let's be honest, ever since we moved back I have been trying to get control of this place and I have NO help. It honestly seems like every time I get done cleaning one area two more areas are destroyed and I have to start all over again. This isn't really that much of a problem, you know, for the normal people out there. But for me, the super perfectionist (yes, I am, surprising I know) I have to get it all done and to high standards or NOTHING gets done. Do you see what I mean? I won't start something knowing that I will be interrupted (hello! I have a 3 year old!). I won't start something knowing I don't have a place for it. I won't start something knowing that I won't get finished. I won't start something knowing that it won't be done right the first time. So, things pile up. The more they pile up the more overwhelmed I feel. The more overwhelmed I feel the more things pile up. It's a vicious, vicious cycle!! Honestly, when it gets this bad, things start to go into the trash. I have made up my mind that I can't handle it therefore, I need to get rid of it. Not such a bad system really but, it is based on emotion and we all know how that turns out.
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