I am having a hard time getting into my husbands head lately. It seems like there is something between us. I think I know what it is: We both have different worries that we think the other one doesn't understand about. His are his financial responsibilities to this family, as sole bread-winner. Mine are all about Kaine and, sometimes, about the condition of the house (I really hate cleaning! HaHa!). But we seem to just not be connected like we used to be. To me, it is more from the phrase, "Baby will change your life forever" category. Maybe it is the same for him. I just feel it is my duty to focus on Kaine and make sure he is brought up knowing he is loved, cared for, provided for, learning and growing.
I know that I spend too much (is there really such a thing?) energy on Kaine. I know he feels that my focus is in overdrive. But, who else is there to do it? He is my life and I am his. I have told Matt, many times, that I cannot turn off my "Mommy-drive". I know there is no way for him to know what I am talking about, it is that physical, animalistic, innate drive to protect and secure your young. I mean, I can't just turn it off! I just wish he would understand where I am coming from more. I know he is probably thinking the same thing.
We are still in good standing with each other. I do feel as if I can do more and plan on it. I have to find my grove for this mother / wife thing. "Nothing worth doing is easy". (That's my pep talk). Hopefully we will find the balance soon and we will each learn to give (or take) a little more to (or for) the other.
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