Preschool Days

I am amazed at how much Kaine has changed over the last month. School has seemed to make him more independent in play. He is so inventive. His imagination is amazing and awesome! Which I am very glad about, it was one of my biggest issues - you gotta have imagination! But, then again, this is the time when "cognitive development" booms. So, it may be just one thing or the other or both together.

He is doing much better with the drop-off issue too. I had a talk with the school director and was given a book about separation anxiety. We were able to come up with a plan that works for everyone. We decided (Matt and I, after talking with the school) that taking Kaine on Friday's would probably be helpful, because he was only going Monday and Wednesday. We thought that the gap between Wednesday and Monday was too big. It seemed to help right away. I took him in on Friday (almost didn't-I thought the change in rooms and teacher would make it worse). He barely cried when we walked in and as soon as they closed the half-door behind him he was all about playing. Monday and today he whimpered about not going when we got on the street where the school is but as soon as I parked he would say, "I get out. Play kids." Which I thought was VERY encouraging. Today I purposely took him in a little after nine to see if it would be easier to leave him if other kids were there (I had been having a horrible time with timing the drive and seemed to always be 10-15 minutes early- this increased anxiety because we were sitting there staring at the building and I was talking about going in and leaving him). So, leaving him was really good this time. I walked in and dropped him off with the teacher, gave him a hug and told him I would be back in a little while, "Go and play with the kids" type of leaving. Then turned and walked out, purposely not lingering (I had been making the mistake of staying, for my own comfort, to make sure he was not traumatized). He did wonderfully, a little clingy at the hug point and a few whines but as soon as I got to the sign-in table I couldn't hear him at all (the table is right next to his classroom door).

Pick-up today was good too. I was the first one there, finally. (I thought that being the first would help to not prolong the pick-up crying.) It turns out I was right. He wasn't crying when I went to the door, there was another, new kid, crying (I thought those cry's were covering Kaine's). He was just playing, however, as soon as he saw me he started to cry (I really would like to know the physiology behind this-he has always done this, as little as 6 months old).

All-in-all we had a really good day. I am glad that he is able to be away for a few hours and have new experiences. He seems to have really grown by it. He can walk up and down small steps by himself now. He asks for help (something we have been working on). He will say, "Need help". He also says, "Kaine's turn" when he wants to play with something that I have or wants a new toy from someone else (this is also something I have always said to him, after demonstrating a toy or trying to engage him in play). I am glad to see that he has been listening and that the lessons that I hoped he was learning are now being used in the proper manner. I also asked him what he did in school today and he said, "I shared", which was a really cute and nice answer to get!

Relationships

After Matt and I's upsetting and surprising talk we have been doing tons better. So much so, that it feels like it did when we were dating (or first married!). Such a plus. I think the turning point, for me, is that I got to see how upset he would be if I did leave. I think I needed to see it, not just know it, you know? (I am a freak!) I didn't want to upset him (I really didn't think it would) but benefited, literally overnight, by his emotional outburst. I was having a problem connecting with him because I felt that he was just doing things to make me happy, not stuff he wanted to do (did that make sense?). I am even able to be more affectionate now! This is HUGE for me! HUGE, I tell you! I love it and hope that we continue to outwardly love each other! Kaine, I believe, would benefit too.

Okay, now for my preschool stuff. I think I am making Kaine have anxiety attacks. I try and hide my anxiety about dropping him off. Which is brought on by a cycle of things. I anticipate that he is going to be upset, therefore, I get anxious. In turn, he gets anxious because we are well bonded and he can read me like a book! Why do I feel like this? Because he is hysterical when I drop him off (with pounding heart and all). They tell me (and even took pictures) that he is perfectly fine all day. When I come to pick him up he is crying again (I have yet to be the first parent to pick up, so Kaine starts to cry when the other kids leave). But he does tell me about his day and says that he has fun. I just think he is anticipating me leaving and my feelings about him being upset. The good thing is, although he cry's when I drop him off he is getting better while I am away. He whined a little bit the first few days, yesterday he didn't cry at all. Good news to me. Plus, I had a conversation with his teachers and told them I was conserned that they were not doing enough to engage him. I told them that they couldn't just tell him "to stop crying" they had to do something about it. The older teacher took him under her wing and made him her "special helper". She said he was really helpful (I could have told her that, lol!) and that he did really well. Before this, all of the feedback I was getting was, "He did fine". SO, not good enough! But, it seems to be on the up-and-up. I just have to figure out how to handle the emotional outbursts without damaging Kaine's and I's relationship or damaging his image of school (something he will probably have 20+ years of).