Relationships

After Matt and I's upsetting and surprising talk we have been doing tons better. So much so, that it feels like it did when we were dating (or first married!). Such a plus. I think the turning point, for me, is that I got to see how upset he would be if I did leave. I think I needed to see it, not just know it, you know? (I am a freak!) I didn't want to upset him (I really didn't think it would) but benefited, literally overnight, by his emotional outburst. I was having a problem connecting with him because I felt that he was just doing things to make me happy, not stuff he wanted to do (did that make sense?). I am even able to be more affectionate now! This is HUGE for me! HUGE, I tell you! I love it and hope that we continue to outwardly love each other! Kaine, I believe, would benefit too.

Okay, now for my preschool stuff. I think I am making Kaine have anxiety attacks. I try and hide my anxiety about dropping him off. Which is brought on by a cycle of things. I anticipate that he is going to be upset, therefore, I get anxious. In turn, he gets anxious because we are well bonded and he can read me like a book! Why do I feel like this? Because he is hysterical when I drop him off (with pounding heart and all). They tell me (and even took pictures) that he is perfectly fine all day. When I come to pick him up he is crying again (I have yet to be the first parent to pick up, so Kaine starts to cry when the other kids leave). But he does tell me about his day and says that he has fun. I just think he is anticipating me leaving and my feelings about him being upset. The good thing is, although he cry's when I drop him off he is getting better while I am away. He whined a little bit the first few days, yesterday he didn't cry at all. Good news to me. Plus, I had a conversation with his teachers and told them I was conserned that they were not doing enough to engage him. I told them that they couldn't just tell him "to stop crying" they had to do something about it. The older teacher took him under her wing and made him her "special helper". She said he was really helpful (I could have told her that, lol!) and that he did really well. Before this, all of the feedback I was getting was, "He did fine". SO, not good enough! But, it seems to be on the up-and-up. I just have to figure out how to handle the emotional outbursts without damaging Kaine's and I's relationship or damaging his image of school (something he will probably have 20+ years of).