One of my biggest revelations, if you will, lately has been to "Let Go and Let God". I feel like faith is a really hard concept for me. Let me explain what I mean by faith. Faith = the belief that God will grant you the desires of your heart if you put your fears, apprehensions, worries, joys, love and guidance in His hands. I was having a real time with the whole contradiction of believing that God has a plan and trying to control things for myself. (This does not mean to sit around and wait for God to do something. I feel like God gives US the ability to do things when His time is right.)
How does this tie into our birth plans? God has a path set out for us, it is all predetermined. I believe that, I also believe most Christians believe that. (Not to mention others who are not Christians use this type of thinking also. I believe Tarot is just another way of getting a clearer message of what is to come.) I believe we make decisions according to the plan. Meaning we have free will and are able to make decisions that determine our path (sounds contradictory but wait). God knows this and encourages it. However, God is all-knowing and knows what path we are going to choose already. Therefore, it is predetermined and, basically, is meant to be. So, in accordance with birth, what is meant to happen is going to happen, no matter where you are. Yes, I am talking mostly about death here. If I or the baby is to die, it is going to be so, no matter where I am. I get the arguments about "If you were in the hospital at least you would have covered everything and you would know for sure that you were meant to die". However, I do not think that is an absolute truth either. Do you really think if God wanted you to go that any amount of human effort, no matter what the intention, is going to stop Him from taking you? I don't think so.
Therefore, I am using this experience as a faith builder. I believe that God will give me the desires of my heart by putting my faith in Him to do so. I desire an unhindered home birth with just my family in attendance. I believe God will grant me with the right path. I believe He has made our bodies to know what they should do. I believe that by letting go of putting my faith in other people and relying on God's guidance (through intuition, ability, strength, wisdom and faith) that God will grant me with the birth that will be an all inspiring and healing experience for Matt and I.
I am also willing to accept the death of a baby (or me) if that be God's plan. I do believe that things happen for a reason and that they are learning experiences for those left behind and affected. Death makes people stronger and better people (I know this because I have come out a better person because of a serious loss at an early age). I am putting my faith in God and letting Him lead me into the path that he wants me to go. I want to be the person that I am meant to be. I feel like I am following His path.
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