Pregnancy Fear

So, a thought has been floating in my brain for a few days (a week, maybe?). It is this, "What if this time, I can't get pregnant as easily as the last? What if all of the 'it is going to be hard, if not near impossible, for you' crap I was fed is really going to happen this time around?" I know it is irrational. For last time, a month out from exploratory surgery (that turned up no hostile or baby unfriendly uterus) was I surprisingly and willingly with child. So, what are my fears based on this time? In a word: adhesion's. Scar tissue built up. Fibroids even. (Okay, that was way more than one word, but whatever!) None of this is confirmed. All of it once or even subtly suggested by books on the aftermath of cesarean's. All of it fear in my own mind stemming from a life brought up to believe that something ALWAYS is wrong with you; that doctors are never wrong and are people who speak and know the truth (and, of course, not to be questioned!).

The hard part, really, for me, is that these fears seem  to be more deeply rooted than I had imagined or even ever thought they were. It sucks. It is an uncertainty (which I have never been good at handling) that I do not wish to carry around. I know it is unfounded. Even stupid.

I am trying to refocus my thoughts on the more positive side of things. Think things like, "You are going to be pregnant", "You know your fertile days", "Baby making is fun and a relationship strengthener", "You have plenty of time" (which may be a tad on the down side). I need more positive thoughts.

On another note, I have told Matt of my plans to have sex for 2 weeks straight. To which he replied, "I am going to hold you to that." I thought that was funny (especially since I probably won't need any encouragement and would LOVE to achieve baby glory this month!).