Some of the issues: Explained

Okay, well I feel like I am in a better place now and can talk about things more clearly. Over the last month, more things than I have energy to explain here, have happened. I was trying to be the bigger person and not just react to situations and blow up. (I honestly think I should be commended for this, since, it is seriously one of my biggest weakness!).

I think I have finally made a decision about midwifery school. I have decided not to go. I am not sure if this is going to be a permanent decision or not. I might come back to it later in life. I have decided that I really want a family oriented job and one that will still allow me to be with my kids while they are growing (you only have so much time, after all). So, I think, and I say this with much trepidation, that I am going to go back to teaching. I think my biggest issue with all of this is 1) I know I can be an awesome midwife and change lives and push the rules, 2) I have a bad history with "normal" education, 3) When I was in the teaching program before, my heart wasn't in it (it almost bored me to tears). However, on further review I have decided that this is what the good points in this career would be:

1. I will be away from my kids for approximately the same time they have to be away from me every day.
2. I will have summers off (when they are out of school too)
3. I can possible teach at a private school and therefore, get a tuition break
4. It will be a schedule that I can change with the age of my children (if they are in preschool then I can teach preschool and work half days. When they are all on 8-3 days I can work that too)

So, I still feel guilt about not being a rebel midwife and challenging the position of the current birth climate in Florida. But, like I said, there is always time later. Just because I am older, doesn't mean that I can't change my career.