I am really starting to get bummed out about the whole baby thing. Honestly, I am not even sure I want to keep trying. Part of me feels selfish for even wanting another baby. I feel like so many people want kids and NEVER get any and I already have one so, why in the world am I trying to be so selfish. I should be thankful for the one I have (and am) and not try to get more than I deserve (so to speak). Needless to say, after all of these HUGE pregnancy symptoms, I am spotting/bleeding. I really did feel pregnant and I am not so sure that what is happening isn't a miscarriage. Of course, there is no way to know now. SO....blah.
On top of this, my birthday is Thursday, which is also Thanksgiving. I am really not looking forward to it. I already feel like people don't want to have to deal with it. I think I just really need something to focus on me -- not pregnancy, not motherhood, not any of the crap that floats around in my head. But, I will be with people who don't understand me or birthdays and I am really starting to get down. I feel like crying about everything and I just want to give up and sleep through the whole thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment